but there's no escaping your love, oh!
Thursday, January 3, 2008
11:53 p.m.

Hello! I am loving AC very very much. The English is good and Orientation is FUN and the people are wacky and incredible and nice. Things are expensive, but the ice lemon tea is awesome.

^_^ Happy eleanor, without or without four H2's.

the question is, eleanor,
WHY are you still awake?
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
01:51 a.m.

Tuesday, January 2, 2007
10:11 p.m.

PASS AMATHS.This remains to be seen.
eight-minus-two points.Ditto.
a1 geography, a1 combined humanities.Half, and still time!
SYFSYFSYF GOLDGOLDGOLD.HAR HAR YES YES.
study properly and become one of those sexy girls who ace school, cca, and hold down a sunday job.lol er no.

keep calm. it is all too trivial to bother me. eleanor has bigger fish to fry.Not always. But enough.

cap councillorship.*hi-fives self*

be good. be better. be best. (that made sense.) I'm better and for that I am grateful. And I've been the best at the things that matter, so I'm glad. Good can wait.

I'll think of new ones soon.

words are falling from your lips
like Christmas.
BACKDATED: 25/12
01:44 a.m.

Christmas, awesome.
Mike, Yiyong, Tiff, Del and Ylynn came over in the afternoon, plus all and sundry. The living room was FULL of people- two sets of guests (4+5), my friends (5), Del's entourage (2), my family (3)- which makes nineteen plus two cats.

But it was tremendous fun, we played Balderdash (which is admittedly more fun with Wynne) and Taboo (where we TRASHED del/tiff/yyy) and played KATAMARIIIII (which is more fun at three am, but still awesome). I got lots of presents because my friends love me!!

Essentially a lovely Christmas. I feel loved and happy and- well. I hope the next year is good. I'm looking forward to it.

for lack of a... coherent/cohesive narrative.
BACKDATED: 15/12
01:24 a.m.

Yesterday Morning- spent on phone, calling ACJC. "Press 1 for...." "Press 2 for....." "Please hold..." "..." "Please hang up now." *slams phone down*
About One In The Afternoon- I eventually speak to a human, who tells me I need to go down by four to fill out a form!! I rush.

I get to AC, right, and fill out the form. They need photocopies of my results, testimonial etc, and I've brought them, but not copies. I ask if I can use a school printer or something, right, and the other guy is all catty- Maybe She's So Confident Of Getting In She Thinks She Only Needs The Form. So I'm all, I'll show you, Mister, and leave, literally RUN to UWC where my godma's daughter works, and she helps me photocopy the things. I run back at like five minutes to four.

Me: Copies! *pants*
Catty Guy: Okay, thanks. ...Why're you so flustered.
Me: Ran from. *pant* UWC.
CG: 0__0 *turns to colleague, sorting forms* Okay so she's appealing via drama. *slots*
Me: oh I know I need to audition and stuff, I emailed Mrs Creffield this morning.
And the woman on his other side turned round and said, I'm Mrs Creffield.

Well she essentially asked when I was free, I said, I CAN BE FREE WHENEVER YOU WANT ME TO BE FREE!!!!!!! so auditions were scheduled for this morning- at ten. I got off work last night at two, home at half past- sat up till threeish establishing context and trying to practise, until I realised I was way too tired anyway. No Exit for contemp and Cyrano de Bergerac for classical.

The audition was scareh. No Exit went bad. But oddly the Cyrano piece went well. Then the woman- not Creffield, miss Wong- spoke to me for a while and made me SING which was terribly embarrassing >_> but but the crux is-

Thanks to sheer jammy tyco-ness:
ELEANOR IS GOING TO
ACJC!^_^ ^_^ ^_^

eleanangst;

and my job is like a cul-de-sac.
Friday, December 14, 2007
01:58 a.m.

Work is getting on my nerves. Yes, I'm well-off, middle class and half white, and at least five years younger than the next youngest person working. This does not mean that you fully comprehend who I am, and it is totally unfair to assume that everything's been easy. I know -the practical half of me knows- that not having to worry about food, or money, or my parents makes me lucky and safe. This does not automatically qualify me as innocent, naive, gullible, immature, stupid, or lacking in common sense. I know things. I don't know everything, but I am tired of being treated differently. There's more to me than that and I feel... undervalued. I feel like it should be assumed that I know better than they appear to think, and then disappoint, rather than have people be surprised when I am right. Or because I don't feel the need to flaunt my medical, familial or relationship histories, that I just know nothing.

I just got home. I've drunk quite a bit, but unlike my colleagues I stop when I'm having to much. I don't drive. Assholes. I worry about them. I have my drama audition tomorrow at ACJC with Creffield I am going to die, die, die. The contemporary piece I find manageable, I just have to not be... whiny. I'm having trouble with the classical. It's Burgess, blast it, that Cyrano thing. Oh well >_> wish me luck.

you've just got to let it go.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
02:21 a.m.

Terry Pratchett has Alzheimers. That is bitterly ironic and very horrible and a great pity.

...there is no god lah.

perhaps not.
Monday, December 10, 2007
03:12 a.m.

Oh, the glory that the Lord has made
and the complications when I see His face
in the morning in the window

Oh the glory when He took our place,
but He took my shoulders and He shook my face

and He takes, and He takes, and He takes.

perche la vita e' un brivido
che vola via

e' tutto in equilibrio sopra la follia.
Monday, December 10, 2007
01:26 a.m.

aiyoh, drastically tired. iSketch it evil.

Am being paid (nowhere near enough) to redo the restaurant's webpage. Should be pretty simple. I wish she'd pay me more, though.

On the way to work today I dropped by my godmother's place. It was totally impulsive, I was on the seven heading down Napier road when the bus stopped to let people on and I thought of what the woman who briefly tutored my Chinese told me: 要常常去见老人家。So I did. She was just about to go for a "walk" with her daughter, round the back of Tanglin hill, which is essentially where I work, so I went with them. Talking to my godma really means talking to yourself, enthusiastically and with variety. It's hard, and I feel bad everytime I lose steam.
Rae sms'ed me as I was walking. Apparently she was "driving" past at the time, heh.

Friday was my Lady Mother's birthday. I made dinner and it was GOOD. I made beef with stewed raspberries, baby potatoes with butter and parsley, peas with bits of bacon, and grilled peppers in olive oil. Shmexy. It was kind of awesome fun, and my mom didn't suspect a thing ahahaha.

I got paid today. I think I want/need another job. This is not paying enough: I'm getting less shifts because business is slower than it used to be. Gah.

Went for Evelyn's anniversary mass today. Left early with the excuse of work. More than anything it was the strange feeling of being totally outside any kind of... entitlement- standing there with her sister and her mother and her family and yet feeling so completely miserable. It's like I shouldn't get to feel sad. Her absence is still perfectly new. She's still at the borders of my expectations- as if when I answer the phone it is no less likely to be her than it ever was. It's debatable whether or not I am okay.

Meeting Hannah C for coffee/writerparty on Wednesday. Must really get round to emailing the other Hannah in her Americandom. I think I'll go to bed. Take care. Call me. Let's go out sometime ^_^

do you believe in something beautiful?
then get out and be it.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
03:42 p.m.

zomgggg tired. A few things:

one; i have finished watching Grey's Anatomy, as I said I would. At rather a slower pace than I meant to, but still. The satisfaction, aha. I'm not sure what I want to watch next. Scrubs, I think.

two; WORKKXX. I am permanently tired. It's so ridiculous. Actually people at work'd been saying they couldn't sleep? And I'd sort of scoff, because by the time I get home I'm falling asleep already. But the past couple of nights I've gotten home from work, washed up, and just lain in bed. Tired, but completely awake. My dad says maybe it's to do with being alert all evening and not being able to turn it off.

three; I worked this catering thing, last night. Magazine launch at Taka. My conclusion is that the richer people get, the stupider, clattier and tasteless-er they also become. Guh. It's just shocking. I would go into detail, but I doubt anyone is that interested.

four; Shout Out Louds, Ingrid Michaelson, The Wombats, Brazillian Girls, and oddly enough- New Young Pony Club. I'm not really sure why I like NYPC. The first few times I listened to Hiding On The Staircase I got to thinking maybe Arcady was too indie for me, heh. But they grow on you.

Things About Working.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
01:21 a.m.

- People leering at me.
- Destiny: carrying water jugs. It's my star sign.
- People asking where I'm from.
- Explaining the menu.
- Ironing my shirt. Repeatedly.
- Today a woman said I looked like Sophia Loren.
- Two old men asking me to have a drink >_>
- My wrists hurting from carrying plates.
- Having no life.
- Missing dinner.
- Having people make me pasta at midnight ^_^
- Badly dressed women.
- Ugly ang-mohs.
- Drunk people.
- Annoying kids.
- ONE PARTICULARLY ANNOYING CHEF
- Arriving home so late that only the cat (now recovered, thanks) is waiting up for me.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007
05:54 p.m.

my smelly boy is very sick. he's got pneumonia, not bacterial kind, so either he has a viral infection, he aspirated something into his lungs or he has feline infectious peritonitis, which can present as viral pneumonia. read the article, i can't bear to go into detail. if anything happens to him, i'll be so miserable. he's my cat, and when he was little he would sleep on my lap, and curl up and hug my arm with his paws. he lets me sleep against him when i'm sick and he always makes me laugh. people underestimate animals. i honestly do love him to pieces and if he is badly sick i don't know what i'll do.

as the flashes blinded us
in the photobooth.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
11:41 p.m.

haha I know, the cropping is so poseur, but my face looks oddly fat in the actual shot, especially when downsized. I conned my mother into the booth at Plaza Sing for the fun of it. It was an impulse and then we had Subway for dinner. With cookies. <33

Haha, if this photo weren't of me, if it were from under the booths in Amelie or something, I'd adore it. But. My because it's my face it just looks... wide.

heima
edit: i'm sorry it's so disjunct and badly written. v tired.
Monday, October 29, 2007
10:33 p.m.

Been listening to a lot of Sigur Ros, lately. Heard them on the Electric proms- yay bbc!- and was pretty impressed with Heima. Actually even pre-( ) I've always wanted to visit Scandinavia and such, Finland and Norway and Iceland in particular. Maybe even the land of Hamburger, the Cheese Danish. (Denmark for those of you who haven't seen the Reduced Shakespeare.) I don't know, something about how it's all so bleakly beautiful, the peat dark and the sky light and the people damn blond. I've always envisioned a kind of fragile peace in these places, places of power, maybe. All that ice and cold and sky. If I had to pick a magic place I'd make it Scandinavia.

I'd really like to go, one day.

On other things, papers have been okay. And. The 377A debate is depressing and, well, angrifying. I was going to write to the papers but I just, in that Singaporean way of mine, got fed up with the hopelessness of it all and went to study instead. Mike linked me to this, I am suitably impressed. You should read it. And weep.

I wish I knew what they were singing, Sigur Ros, but they're not really singing anything: it's nonsensical Hopelandic, mostly. Which means you can make up your own meanings. I hear alot of "You see us try" and "You write it all down" and "Yes it all falls down, yes it's all a lie" and, best of all, "You say drown, I just try, I'm lost in here" and "Save it all, you say drown, you know it's you". It sounds pretty stupid here but. I think it's hopelessly sad. I suppose everyone hears something different- I wonder what it says about you. You say drown, I just try.

if only i could breathe what you breathe.
Sunday, October 21, 2007
01:26 a.m.

I HATE RELATIVE VELOCITY.

I HAVE RELATIVE VELOCITY. I AM MOVING SLOWER THAN YOU, AND IN THE WRONG DIRECTION. Veleanor/world IS POSITIVE, BUT DISPLACEMENT IS NEGATIVE.

repeal377a.com
Friday, October 19, 2007
11:23 p.m.

You know, there was this guy tagging Jun's blog about the outrageousness and the nerve of people wanting to repeal 377a. It was amusing. He just kept digging himself in deeper with silliness, to be honest. Imagine going to a blog like Jun's that's read by people like Fian and Nick Lee and Sun Koh and saying things to the effect of, Oh I think your social activeness plus gunning for the cause makes you less of an artist.

I signed the petition! And the open letter. While this is something I believe is right I don't think the whole furore has been justified. I've been reading the papers, right, and there are threes and fours of letters in about how "Although I understand homosexuals and Singaporean and human just like I am, I do not think our society should have to approve of homosexuality just because these people are demanding that we accept their behaviour". It really annoys me.

To me, this is not about acceptance or condoning 'behaviour' or anything like that. This is about butting out. What people do in the privacy of their bedrooms is none of our business. It is not the business of the law. I feel that quite strongly. You don't have to approve. But everyone deserves this measure of privacy. And if I hear one more "Please don't shove your lifestyle down our throats" I will throw up on their shoes. It bothers me that straight people have "lives" and gay people have "lifestyles", doesn't it bother you?

it's all we have, this thin twine, then,

nothing.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
12:06 a.m.

Happy birthday.

I'm a good friend. I never forget.

just the emptiness you've carved.
Friday, October 5, 2007
12:02 a.m.

well I'd trade in all the rest of my days
for just the mere reflection of your face
for one shining moment

with you, or somebody just like you.

...too much for one day, i think. i'll be okay. i miss you horribly.

and it starts twenty years of snow.
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
10:25 p.m.

Dear Immune System,

I have a bone to pick with you. To be very direct I do not appreciate this ridiculous and consistent failing. Until last year I was an obscenely healthy individual. Since last year's hospital bouts etcetera, you have not been fulfilling your duties to even a minimally acceptable standard. I reference my longest sickleave ever- four days!- a weekend of terrible food poisoning- Wednesday night to Sunday morning, resulting in the loss of more than six kilograms- and assorted other ailments.

Now while I realise I get less excercise than before, I am still reasonably fit. I also consume vast amounts of fruit and vegetables, in addition to vitamin C and zinc supplements. Therefore it is completely unforgiveable that you land me, for example, with a high fever, sore throat and clogged sinuses two weeks from my O-level examinations.

I insist that you get your act together. If I am not well by tomorrow, you are fired. Yes. Don't think I won't do it.

Sincerely, Eleanor.
ie, YOUR BOSS.

did you get that postcard at Christmas?
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
01:17 a.m.

might have been two Christmases ago.
you can't remember what it said. but you were embarrassed by it.
i think it must have been two christmases ago.
you say you think you hated yourself for it.

last Christmas passed entirely without incident, no word from you.
i doubt you knew about all the things that had happened.

no, this isn't poetry. this is desolation. i miss, forcefully, pretending to be sisters in the Nassim road house of our parents' friend. i remember you and your return, your eyeliner and your loud music and how we no longer dressed or looked or felt the same.

and you tell me now that you hated me for a while, i am so frightened at the loss of our friendship that i feel like pretending you no longer exist either. i will never forgive your parents.

shit. no really, shit.

dishes, tv, bed,
the darkness filled with dread,

but at least the war is over.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
02:12 p.m.

omgomgomg, Le Ballon Rouge. I adore Juliette Binoche even if she's kind of limited in terms of hand-gesture-variety. It's always, sigh-and-push back fringe. NEVERMIND V AWESOME.

amath today was better than paper one, but then, it couldn't have been worse. Highly jealous of classmates who are now, to a limited extent, freeish. I have art history tomorrow so naturally I am blogging about French art films rather than studying. I really hope they test me on Han Sai Por so I can talk about how disturbing her Growth is, and the irony of Spirit Of Nature. The former resembles cockroach larvae who cameo'd on Alien, or something, and the the latter is essentially a large zero representing the endlessly cyclic nature of... Nature. This big bronze zero is outside the revenue building. Yah. Right.

This is music I have an unnatural liking for: James Blunt's 1973, The Killers' Read My Mind, and Habib Koite's Cigarette A Bama. I'm not very certain what the last one is about, it's in Malian dialect, but it's called The Cigarrette Is Finished. And there are coughs at bits, and a voice that says, Don't Smoke. I wonder. K back to the books. Later!

more than a dim light upon the path you walk.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
11:48 p.m.

Right so. I was reading Wynne's entry about terrorists.

I decided to read the newspapers. And then I almost died laughing because oh my god osama bin laden is like a POP STAR.

The headlines read, and I quote, "Osama to mark Sept 11 attacks with new video". Well whaddya know. Pretty soon he'll be releasing his new hit single, God Said I Should Kill You, or maybe his new EP- White Devil Soup. He'll hold charity concerts like Fund Your Terrorist and croon about the joi of trainbombs. He doesn't actually need that money though, on account of being filthy rich because of the ransom money from the koreans. If you cannot actually tell, I hate terrorists >_> It is just that I am a weedy intellectual and thus my way of showing hate is not to go fight wars or stage demonstrations, but to- in semi-political-correctness- make lame jokes about it. If people like me ruled the world, it would be a jollier place.

She goes on to complain about terrorists some more, and says that doctors are only as threatening as a particularly large syringe. I, less eloquently, do quite agree.

Actually I was slightly perturbed by the whole thing, which I convinced was a sneaky missionary attempt. And I suppose it was quite daft of these Christians, doctors or otherwise, to march into town, but at the same time, far more courageous. Let's not pretend they didn't know what they were walking into. But even if they had, you know, Alterior Motives that start with a C and sort of rhyme with Surgeon, the thing is they actually did some good.

The People Doing The Blowing Up are scared, if you ask me. Because it's a carrot and stick thing, kind of, (and all the people are donkeys!!!). Case A: Join us in the name of the Lord! We givez you free healthcare and make sure your babies don't die! Here! Penecillin! Case B: Join us or we will blow you up. Threats, and the carrying out of, abject violence are beginning to fray nerves. At the end of the day most people would rather know their child is not going to die of malaria or something than be told Good, you made the right choice, We shan't kill you.

In short. People are generally a mess and I would rather be a dugong. Misanthropy ftw. K going back to mug, amath/geog tomorrow and I'm gettin quite distracted by Youth For Humanity's excellent, excellent videos. You should check them out, esp if you have to write GP essays about basic human rights.

she says she's tired of life,
she must be tired of something.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
09:35 p.m.

and i would throw your skates into a lake like that girl on Without A Trace because you were practically my brother but i never got my chance for that kind of melodrama and I know you stopped skating when you left but i would have kept them old and silent like the pair i wrote for Dan and when they reopen the rink next month the benches will be gone and the empty lift shafts and the strange windows coffee machines i want to go and hope you're somehow around and there are days when i just want you back.

tell us where you stand.
Monday, September 3, 2007
09:32 a.m.

I will flesh this entry out later. Right now I need to post to see whether my layout recovers.

oh, but 'fian,
i'd change my name to Helena for you.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
06:51 p.m.

After a long pause H told me his name. A blond Afrikaner whose father owned a few diamond mines. H explained that it was ‘a drunken impulse’, swore it would never happen again. I asked H if I still mattered and spotted the careful pause before the answer. H, if coal miners waited millions of years they could actually shovel diamonds, but I don’t have that kind of time. All I have is this lifetime and even then I’d already given half of it to you.

and on his behalf I ask you- because he thinks, and I think, it's time:

don't you worry about the distance?
Sunday, August 26, 2007
06:42 p.m.

oh seriously, eleanor, lighten up!

anyway last night was DRAMATICK. hannah came over in the middle of the night. today i have had FIVE HOURS OF TUITION and deserve a hug and some chocolate and maybe a Spoon album.

I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO PUSH THE CAPALUMNI PUBLICATION IT IS OPEN TO THE PUBLIC. loosely, the theme is Space and Geography. you can send in pictures to go with it! to we[dot]are[dot]not[dot]respectable[at]gmail.com. sexy.

this week's Top Of The Pop is pretty bad. Though brit pop is so lovely! alright i have a letter to write and i am going to go now. i wish mine were a more opinionated blog. oh well. it's time for the top five singles in the UK, oh my god it's the Plain White T's again uiwggrrrarhragg.

As long as you treasure whatever it is,
whatever it is it could never be wasted.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
12:40 p.m.

So if we all turn to dust,
Better to’ve loved and lost:
'cause everything has a cost.

So if you’re gonna spend time
Spend it upon me
Spend it up on me
Just give me your time,
I don’t want your money.

carry on, carry on.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
11:34 p.m.

My god, I've been gone ages. Sorry. The real reason was that i wanted to blog in great detail about the awesomeness of the RSC's Lear and Seagull, but I never had time. Suffice to say they were very, very awesome, in particular Ian Mckellan. He is such an amazing man. They all have lovely voices, too, the RSC. Clear and carrying with the perfect weight. Oh these thespians.
I also wanted to angst a little about the theatre and how I adore what it is, but that can wait a few years.

Tomorrow I shall inform you all of EDS' evil Plan Of Retribution regarding the Lion dancers, frying pans, a drum, paper bags, me, Hannah and Joseph. and Peng. It is greatly evil and amazing. EDS is hot to go!

You must all a) Submit for the CAP publication, and b) adore Ben's Brother who are a band and not a coveted sibling. If you are, as I expect, unable to find the latter (unless you've good p2p), c) Submit for CAP publication.

il est temps
pour nous de déposer les armes
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
07:18 p.m.

oooooooooohhh I am so glad my geog test is over! Man. I do not expect full marks, but I am intensely, immensely, glad that it is done with! I mugged chem last week, so I can spend the rest of my week rushing up art.
I cannot draw and this causes me grief.

I feel this sudden urge to download music. I am going to complete my Kyo collection, and get some nice Indochine zk was playing me today.

Uhm, I'll be back later, or something. *has a sad lack of things to say.*

Jolene,
i ain't about to go strayin'

it's too late.
Monday, July 2, 2007
10:01 p.m.

Hi, I have had math tuition since seven and a headache since Saturday. Needless to say the latter has gotten rather worse in the last couple of hours. Integration has left my brain feeling as limp as overcooked instant noodles and three times as unhealthy. You should probably leave me alone.

I appear to have finally taken some decent photos, at the Esplanade the night before last, of the scaffolding on the floating stage on Marina Bay. They look rather interesting, like neon lights. I think I shall go away now.

You should listen to Ray Lamontagne's Jolene. It's rather beautiful.

............SELF CENSORSHIP!
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
07:02 p.m.

!&*@ $#(^ $#(^ $#(^ $*%) 1$$ 21))$ I DO NOT THINK I CAN GET INTO JUNIOR COLLEGE. THIS IS A NIGHTMARE I WISH I HAD HAD SIX YEARS AGO SO THAT MAYBE NOW I WOULD NOT BE PANICKING. I HAVE NO ACHEIVEMENTS, I FAIL AT SCHOOL, AND I'M SUPPOSED TO In no more than 350 words of your own, please write a personal statement to tell us your talents which you think set you apart from the rest of the applicants.

THEY EVEN SAY PLEASE. Oh god, i am doomed. i feel like such a moron.

also, my chinese oral is tomorrow. i know i sound like my chinese is kind of kickass, but my lang3 du2 sucks.

in my next life
i am coming back as a man.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
04:17 p.m.

I WANT TO RIP OUT MY UTERUS AND SELL IT ON THE BLACK MARKET.

like a clock whose hands are sweeping
past the minutes of its face-
Sunday, June 24, 2007
08:53 p.m.

keys that jingle in your pocket
words that jangle in your head
why did summer go so quickly-
was it something that you said?
when you knew that it was over
were you suddenly aware
that the autumn leaves were turning
to the colour of her hair?

i'll talk about the sleepover another day.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
12:41 a.m.

If I could give all my love to you, I could justify myself, but I'm just not coming through.

i stole this from livvy.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
07:46 p.m.

1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence on your blog along with these instructions.
5. "Diego watched them watch him."
6. Tag five people.

At eight-thirty he thought it was time to take himself down to the river. He wanted to run all the way to the bridge, but he dressed himself slowly. He went up the stairs that went nowhere, then back down. He walked through San Jacinto and noticed the Border Patrol eyeing him. Diego watched them watch him. As he reached the top of the bridge where the flags were being tossed by the hot wind, he stared down at the river of mud. He turned away and faced the place where Luz alsways sat. He opened his eyes. She wasn't there. He walked to the place where they first met- and waited. He tired to concentrate on the people hanging around, on the people heading to El Paso, the people selling their goods. A snall boy selling chiclets came up to him. Diego handed him a quarter. Smiled at him. Lit a cigarette. Waited. He knew she would not come.

i do not know who to tag because i suspect nobody reads my blog anyway- but, liang, yiyong, wynne, mike and alan (either one!)

'cause i know that i've been stupid
and i don't have a reason
but it's killing me, killing you
Saturday, June 16, 2007
11:05 a.m.

I apologise for the lapse, I was basking in the glory of the CAP entry.

so on... monday. Del, Yiyong and Sam came over! With somewhat suspicious doughnuts curtesy of Sam. They tasted pretty good but they looked offputtingly like GOOEY BUNS. I was very happy that Del knew what Gooey Buns were. We hung out in my room and ate Kettle chips and peanuts and drank an odd cocktail of fizzy water and fruit juice of some variety. Yiyong was left out often- Disney movies, anime, and Michael Learns to Rock. I adore how we are all on the same track, eg,

Del: oh hey i loved Someday! Someday, someway, together we will be babeh!
Me: oh yeah! That one is lovely. But it's kind of ruined by the part about shaking the rock.
Del: OMGOMGYES!
Sam: WE CAN SHAKE, WE CAN SHAKE THE ROCK!

They stayed for dinner, and I coerced Wynne into coming over. My mom tried to call her and do the coercing, and ended up talking embarrassingly to Le instead because 'YOU SOUND SO ALIKE!'. It was very funny. We talked and sang Keep Me In Your Pocket because it was stuck in all our heads. We also introduced Sam to the glories of espresso, your life has meaning now, Sam! Coffee!

Everyone ended up staying reeeeeeeal late, even though my mom gave lifts. All in all, MUCH EXCELLENT FUNS.

Thursday I went out for lunch with Claire and Hannah. We went to NYDC at Wheelock, and then to BORDERS where I bought an obscenely cheap copy of Low Millions' EXGIRLFRIENDS from the box of PLEASE BUY THESE CDS NAO THEY HAVE DISCOUNTZ! We trooped home.

friday! SCHYLYNN IS HOMEZ! I happyz. We (dele, death, dream) went to pick her up from the airport, and then went out for lunch. We tried to get char kway tiao at the hawker centre, but the stall had closed. So we finished our stupid drinks and moved off to the one in the basement of parkway. And ate. Then we went to get COOKIES, and then scoopz ICECREAM. We are TERRIBLE. We sat on the stairs to eat it but got chased up by a very polite security guard who apologised profusely for interrupting our icecream session. He was far too nice!

Then we went to HMV (we are all so sad we just hang out at bookstores!) and the girls looked at things, I just hung out in the cafe and tried to solve my crossword. After that we went to GRAMOPHONE where Wynne ogled the DVD's, ylynn fangirled at finding SIGUR ROS I AM SO SURPRISED TO FIND IT IN GRAMOPHONE OMG, and I helped Tiff decide which OC MIX to buy. I just ogled all the musicals and Travis albums I didn't have money for. I must go back there. Then we went to Ig's Heaven, where we met my mom, and then we went home to meet catz!

Wynne went home, after that, the rest of us went for ba kut teh. Drove Tiff home, then Ylynn came over for a while, then we drove her home too!

And now I have to RUSH OFF FOR CIP man I love flag days! <333 later.

Wiring Heartlands!
cap'07
Monday, June 4, 2007
12:46 a.m.

(THIS IS THE FOURTH TIME I AM TYPING THIS, GRR, stop eating my posts!)

Day WAN!
Due to Scary Chinese Olevel I got there late, midway through lunch. I ate out of styrofoam with Mike Wee and Mrs Shum and the food was surprisingly excellent. Really. It was quite strange. Hilariously, Mrs Shum also thinks I am very responsible. After that I walked over to LT 13 with Mrs Shum, Del and Ying, I think. When we arrived my confidence crumbled! I was supposed to be I/C of giving out the Eye On The World's, but there was no-one for me to be I/C of! This baffled me, as I stood there in my blazer. I wasn't sure which ones were the VIPs, so I didn't know who to tell, politely, that their booklets where already on their seats! The people I was in charge of turned out to be Livvy and Sutha and the other RGSS girls just inside the LT who were accosting people with said booklets, so it was okay. Miss Lim seemed annoyed with me. I was assured it was just General Stress, but I apologised for missing the Friday Briefing anyway. She said she expected only exemplar behaviour from her councillors and advised me not to pon any more classes, interviews or otherwise.
So when I finally got to go in, I sat with Reuben Liang and we laughed at Ho Po Fun and her poem Arthur's Room. Yiyong (hereafter YYY) and I, despite sitting several blocks apart, thought simultaneously: What was Horfun doing in Arthur Yap's room anyway?
During the intermission Alan Tang asked Gideon, Hey is it true, you're Eleanor's bitch? Gid, naturally was like, WTF?! Most of the council addressed him as Hey, Bitch the rest of the day. <3 Gideon!
After intermission the council and secretariat were finishing up the food, when Judith Jacob came over and told us to "At least pretend to be busy. No, seriously! Look busy, she's coming!" at the approach of Miss Lim. So half of us grabbed piles of things and ferried them back over to the Ops room, where we hid until we had to pick up our groups.
jianyong introduced me to our group, after the plenaries. There were MANY of them. It took me until Wednesday to recognise most of them, and until Thursday to get (almost) all their names. They were good kids though! Yay, MyDoverMarket. It's a little hazy, after that. I didn't eat dinner, mostly because the food was suddenly Teh Suck. Film was okay, met the instructor person, and AS7 faculty lounge, my old friend! Had to wear full U to make a Good Impression and gauge the Formality Of Future Workshops. The kids obviously daoed me and wore their slippers. Actually film were mostly a pain in the butt the whole time. I mean I love them anyway, but they drove me crazy, especially on Friday.
Del came over to debrief the kids, then we went back for debrief by Judith J. The brainsurgeons over at NUS had turned off the lights and aircon on us, which Del says they do at least once EVERY YEAR, so we had our debrief on the sofas outside. It wasn't until the next day when I was reading through my notes from then that I noticed I'd written, 1) memorise the schedule. 2) don't abandon your group. 3) Judith Jacob is damn hot. 4) patrol in plenaries, etc etc.

Day TEWW.
The highlight of this day was definitely Michael Wee. The council were all using, regardless of gender, the male toilet at the top of block E. So at six thirty in the morning I was washing my face at the sink on the far left. I happened to look up and to the right, and Mike happened to look at me in the same moment. It was a most refreshing view. He had toothpaste all around his mouth, his hair sticking up, and a face that can only be described as -___-. Naturally I fell about laughing. I also told Glendon he was blessed, because he got an actual sentence out of me before six am, which never really happens.
Morning was a lecture by HARESH SHARMA- datta, dayadhvam, damyata. After that was writing workshops, and Jazzy vanished (more on that later). So a panicked Bensen went OMG ELEANOR CAN YOU TAKE THE PLAYWRITING KIDS! So I walked them over to AS7, and then came back to LT13 to find the facilitator. I felt like an utter fool, I tell you! "I know this might sound like a stupid question, but, have you seen Haresh Sharma?" So I got him and walked him over etc.
Then there was the LITERARY EXCURSION. My group went to the multimedia presentation. They didn't even tell the councillors who the people would be- so imagine! We walk in, and I walk up to them and say Hi, I'm eleanor I'm in charge of *points* that lot, where do you want them to go? And my brain starts SPINNING, like, ALFIAN SA'AT, BRIAN GOTHONG TAN, and two other EXTREMELY CUTE SPECIMENS. So I shook all their hands, squeeing inside! I tell you once I locate the photo of the four of them you will DROOL. Naturally they were all bent. So the filmmaker- junfeng- (DAMN HAWT) played some films- excellent! A dodgy Spanish one with an brief incestuous scene- YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE LOOK ON LIM SIEW YEA'S FACE! The setdesigner, or SCENOGRAPHER- Nicholas Lee- (also very cute) showed us plays he had worked on- like, omg. He is sparklingly talented. And only 22, and possibly the only straight kid there. Extremely creative and wonderful stuff. AND BRIAN GOTHONG TAN! LIKE. OMG. He screened lots of films, and showed us some of his exhibitions, and PLAYED THIS HILARIOUS PARODY OF MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA, STARRING ALFIAN SA'AT AS MAMEHA HAHAHAHA. It was seriously VERY FUNNY.
At the end of it we were all begging questions and shit off them, I told Alfian I'd be interviewing him, he was all, hey okay awesome, I spoke to Brian Gothong Tan about how much I liked his Tanglin Camp installation at the Biennale last year, and he says he'll help me out with my AEP olevel stuff (confirm A1 already lah!), Nicholas Lee smiled calmly at me when I told him he was real awesome, and I asked Junfeng (!!!!) where I could get hold of his films, that me and Sam had cried during Katong Fugue, and when he said Objectifs, I was like, OH the one on Liang Siang street! And he was like, yeah that one, tell you what I'll just give you this cd, I only burnt it for today anyway. And all the girls in the room went, silently, W-T-F! Rachel Au-Yong was petrubed, because she'd asked him precisely the same things and replied the same way. Just lucky I guess ^_^ I think i got more out of that whole thing than the participants.
Afterwards we kind of smirked at the groups who went to the museum, smugly. I don't remember what else happened, I was pretty unwell. Jianyong and I decided to take film in shifts, him the first, me the second. So during dinner I promptly went to sleep on the sofa in the Ops room. I asked Judith L and YYY to wake me up at eight-thirty, so I could regain consciousness and walk over to AS7 by nine. I also set alarms on my phone. I woke up at about nine-thirty and saw Jianyong wandering around the Ops room and said WHY DIDN'T YOU WAKE ME UP? And Del replied, We tried, dear. And then I thought of dear Yiyong and asked, carefully, I didn't punch anyone, did I? Apparently I didn't, so I gathered up my things and ran over to AS7 where I apologised to YYY. He said I'd sat up, looked at the ceiling, looked at the floor, and then at the ceiling, and then keeled over sideways again. I don't remember very much of that evening.
Yiyong made me coffee ^_^
That night me, YYY, Mike Wee, Judith J, Tiff and Sam were hanging out on the sofa's outside the Ops room, me and YYY writing acapella's. Then Tiff and Sam went to bed, so it was me, the boys and Judith J, in her pink stripey pyjamas, talking about ACJC, West Side Story, and our nationality- I am a CHANGMOH. Then she left, and me and the boys went over to LT 13 to look for Brendan's phone. Then - my fault- we went for a walk! Around the carparks and stuff. We were talking very loudly. It was fun. We got back to Eusoff and went to my room- DOOR OPEN, can camped out talking. YYY started to crash, halfway, so he went to bed. Me and Mike stayed up almost all night, uh. Talking about poetry- which makes us very sad literary geeks. I slept for about forty-five minutes while he used my laptop to type up his acapella. Needless to say the next day was damn stoned.

Day Free.
I don't remember what happened in the morning. Oh wait, I do, peer sharing nonsense. After that, Alfian's playwriting workshop! It turned out to be more of a drama lesson- he was teaching improv for the development of characters. Me and Jazz took pictures of his shoes. The rest of the day was pretty silly, too. I don't really remember it. I was mostly rushing my acapella column. Evening had a really dumb production meeting, that was mostly dumb because I was in film. What else are we going to do but play the films, right!?
Jianyong was away at a squash thing, so YYY took my film kids over to AS7 and babysat with HC til I got there. I got there, and promptly passed out on the sofa, wrapped in my hoodie. After that we headed back to Eusoff. I went to bed and crashed. Apparently some of the council went to Fong Seng for prata. Oh well.

Day 'Fore.
This was the day of the great uniform swap. I am trying to find pictures of me as a Hwachong girl. Tiff was RG, Rae NJC, YYY DHS- hahahaaa- Kegan an RI boy, Daniel an ACSI boy, other odd swaps. It was funny.
Writing workshops first thing in the morning! Mike and Tiff were supposed to take Alfian's jcpoetry workshop, and Mike Wee overslept, the fool. So, interestingly, did Alfian, who called me apologetically and said he thought it was nine-thirty instead of eight-thirty. So me, Mike (when he showed up), Kia Wee and Luke camped out to wait for him. He tried to teach us in a stuffy un-airconned room (the NUS brainsurgeons again) and we eventually gave up and moved over to a semroom at AS7. The majority of the workshop was a long tabloid scandal regarding Alfian's group of friends, and Cyril Wong's group of friends. It was very funny. All the councillors and attached secretariat were taking notes as enthusiastically as the participants, I tell you. When Alfian reads he holds the book in one hand and shakes his feet. Same shoes again.
After that we had an EXCITING thing, alumni sharing! So Alfian, Ng Yi Sheng, Nicholas Wong, and Teng Qian Xi. They all read poems, Alfian's was gorgeous. Nick Wong said he was actually a Malaysian, unlike Alfian who was trying very hard to become one. Ng Yi Sheng's first was excellent, and then he read LOUD POEM AND CLIMBED OVER THE TABLE, he is something else lah. Also I really, really like Alfian Sa'at. SB showed up around this time.
In the afternoon film went out to Holland V! To uh, film. I finally managed to buy milk I liked, I also bought icecream for Yiyong who is a very nice boy. I guest-starred in one of the films, it was very, very, VERY lame, and about prata. Clearly the brainchild of Kuangli and Alan Tang. SB came with us and speculated on the insanity of our film. He ate nearly all my kettle chips.
Went back to NUS, changed very quickly for formal dinner. Which wasn't really formal this year. It was in the damn foyer of UCC, which is just Sad. I looked nice, though. Mystie and Ets showed up .....flamboyant as usual. They are really quite cruel with eyeliner, also. High point of the dinner was the performances. The council did a messy Emo Song, Me, Brendan and Yiyong read a made-up poem called Judith's Room, Alan Tang, Kuangli and Nigel Bay read EXPEDITION, Wanton Destruction and sang Lifehouse songs respectively. Excellent boys. THEN TAKING THE CAKE was Jianyong's band! the Fruit and Vegetable Cult- with their songs The Wrong Banana, Stargazer (Sweet Potato) and Peas On Earth. They were very, very awesome. I especially <3 Jianyong.
Some shit regarding one of our councillors went down. As a result night performance workshops were sad. I refuse to talk about the nonsense the teachers put us through. Anyway. Kegan lost his laptop, and was sad and stressed, so Yiyong sent him to bed and said he'd take over the emcee scripts. Dan was stressed by his involvement with said councillor, so I took over acapella for the night. YYY and I were up until about four, at which point Rae and Jianyong appeared, we all tried to go to sleep in Yiyong's room, discussed how Rae attracts cockroaches, and singing Stars songs. Eventually we all went back to our own rooms, though I was pretty happy to camp out at the end of Yiyong's bed.

DAY FIVE.

I overslept. So, apparently, did Luke Tay. I was just leaving my room- standing outside looking for the key, I heard a door open behind me, and turned around to find Luke glancing suspiciously around him- and not behind him- and then haring down the corridor to the bathroom, wearing only a towel and clutching a plastic bag. It was pretty hilarious. He is white and skinny.
I spent pretty much the whole day at film, and running about. Me and Jianyong both passed out, at film. He slept on the sofa and I slept on one of the cabinets. Film was half an hour late to lunch, possibly due to both councillors being asleep, but probably not. Two of the groups weren't done, so I brought the three that were back over to Eusoff to grab their bags and their lunch. We then waited for the bus, another group arrived, and we headed to UCC. Jianyong showed up later, with his slow group in tow. We watched most of the rehearsals with Reuben Liang- <3. I kept shouting at people and I was extremely stressed out. This was not helped by the Hwachong Boys and their stupid 'laxinggg'. It was incredibly annoying, because I had good reason to be stressed. People kept going missing. I started swearing all over the place. Anyway.
Went to change, and could not find my bags that miss Judy Lee had brought over. Started going pretty mad. David Crawshaw was there and made me feel somewhat better. He's quite funny now, less of a jerk ^_^ There was a funny thing where me and Jianyong were both lying on the floor, sleeping on other people's bags, and Del came in and told us to go and eat. Jianyong: too tired. Del: You're tired because you haven't eaten. Jianyong: *sits there*. Me: We're too tired to eat, and too hungry to sleep. *looks panicked by this dilemma* So we're just going to sit here!! Del: ...
I told Jianyong it was his fault and Athena's fault because me and Yiyong had been pretty productive until they arrived. Athena and I demanded a photo with Jianyong, it's a stunner. When I send it to him las night I said he looked rather frightened. He said he looked like he was about to cry. Apparently Rae and I are fearsome people. I do not know why! Oh Jianyong, how will you ever defend our country if you cannot defend yourself from us! Although admittedly the enemy cannot possibly have Athena's. It would be in breach of several proliferation treaties, for sure.
Council got kicked out of the UCC because there was no space. We got rather angry. Judith J went round with New Instructions. She said, Do Nothing. If anybody tries to tell you to do anything I haven't told you to do, say No. Say No, give them the finger, and walk off. We were all dying for a chance to try this out, but unfortunately none came. Judith is so awesome lah.
Anyway, they gave the council Parker pens that say Creative Arts Seminar '07, and they write very nicely. Much camwhoring after the thing, I am still looking for the Council Photos! I think QX has gone back to bloody NS, which is very annoying. I suppose he will surface eventually.

All in all, cap was wonderful on many, many levels. I miss the Ops room very, very sorely, I miss having a group to take care of, I miss having responsibilities and other councillors to share them with. I miss Jianyong and Yiyong and Sam and Mike Wee and Livvy and the Judith's, and Brendan and Del and Ying and Tiff and Has and Rae, and Dan and Glend and marvellous Kegan, and Cheryl and Gideon and Reuben- and I think I've missed out people but I need to send my laptop for fixing now. I miss film- the bastards- and I miss groupthree! I miss Eusoff hall, and I miss the AS7 fac lounge.

I have slept little! And eaten even less! But loved and learnt much- thankyou council- it's been so wonderful. All my love!

another day another day,
it could have been any other day

but this kept me awake.
Saturday, June 1, 2007
06:04 p.m.

hey, darlin'.

happy birthday.

thankyou for being so awesome these past months- right from the beginning. thankyou for the movie at two-fifteen, thankyou for the hospital visits, thankyou for the stupid balloon, thankyou for the care, thankyou for the book, thankyou for the sunflowers, thankyou for the perfume, thankyou for appearing all over the place- for everything, sweetheart.

i hope this year is awesome to you, i hope you get everything you want, and i hope you are happy.

all my love, eleanor.

maybe i should hate you for this
never really did ever quite get that far.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
11:03 p.m.

You Are 82% Indie

You're so indie, it's kind of amazing that you actually found your way to this quiz. Generally, your tastes are genuinely indie... but sometimes you like something just because it's weird!

yay! indie=sexy.

i am taking a break from homework and mugging Chinese. Hey i love bio. i must say this. i really like it. i mean, physics is interesting, but bio kind of wynnes wins (!) hands down. that was really a typo.

my eyes are really sore tonight, i'm wearing my specs and i think it's making it worse rather than better. grr. haha dione said, regarding my Chinese paper, I'm sure you'll do fine! and i replied, sadly, that she was sorely misinformed and that i was as likely to succeed as a space shuttle composed entirely of caramelised sugar.

hey and Spinto band are lovely. Oh Mandy, can read me, and has me, oh Mandy. i cannot remember who introduced me to them, but it was quite a while ago. oh well. i think i shall go.

rise up, wise up, say it loud
soul, i will not lie to you.
Monday, May 21, 2007
07:09 p.m.

well I guess that I have,
I guess that I have never really had you.
threw out believable yesterday, I delayed a stutter that was slowly,calming me,
coaxing me

you're my daydream;
does that make you homesick for me?

and I'm still missing you, missing you, missing you
well I'm missing you, missing you, missing you
well I'm missing you, do you miss me now?

I rise up, wise up, say it loud:
soul, I will not lie to you-
I'm all alone.

all you need is love!
bah bah bah bah bah!
Sunday, May 20, 2007
11:26 a.m.

omg eds night!

i tell you we are kind of amazing lah. we were sooooo unprepared >< but it came out pretty awesome. me and Peng went back to Rex and Sylvia to intro, it was hilarious lah, and in typical eds fashion was thought up in like, ten minutes while putting on makeup. and dancing rap MV's in the bathroom. i love Peng very much, silly bugger.

then we had syf dance- which in the programme i misspelt as Prayers and Praise of PARASIDE ><- then Freefall, which was (surprisingly) good! Wynne was excellent- honestly. Jolyn was a natural. Ck was good, so was Vanessa- she has tremendous potential. Zona and Peng were good as always.

year two dance (lol), then ICE CREAM TRUCK, grr ice cream suck. i was awful in the afternoon show. awful >< night was better, though, suat was all, ohh ele you are awesome! i cried, mostly out of a sense of utter despair, but sb was like, haha you are the next judy! i don't know if me and jess got our slap right, but hey well.

after intermission was the traditional mr Ken item, this year talking about (foot)balls. then year three dance (not bad) and then string (which is alright, i guess, but i wasn't paying attention) floorshock! omg. they are like, sexy, though i didn't like the music at all this year, cept for like the second last song (So Excited!), haha, fi, shake shake that thing!

Whaaaaaat youuuuuuuuu willllllllll! which is you know, unbelievably preachy, but we were hilarious anyway. i mean, the ending is cheesy, but, Othello is hilarious, so is Judy as Shylock, and man, the best is MB. i tell you. hail, hail, HAAAAAAAAAAIL! and like, we had so much fun as the witches, lah, running around the stage being dumb and invisible (but this i mean we couldn't see anything) and screaming, and then Judy and Regina and the powder puff, awesomes.

after the show me, Wynne, Sb, Ivan, Tommy Peng and CK went back to school to pack props back to eds room. me and sb went up to check out the hall and were disappointed that it wasn't scary. we hid in the curtains and tried to scare the others when they came to look for us, but the didn't look hard enough. Wynne was pretty annoyed with us- she wanted to go home. we all left and hit seven11 for foods, realised i couldn't afford foods and went to sit outside. we were all exhausted- this timeframe is kind of muzzy still.

then me, Wynne and tommy cabbed home together, the taxi driver, who was pretty useless, thought we were all drunk because we all like, back seat.. sleeeeep. got home and pretty much crashed out. awesome long day.

much love to Alan (sunflowerz!) and Maria, Tiff and other Alan, Nicole and Gaille, and Dh (for coming though he was sick, and for the rose ^_^), Regan, Suat, Glori for the support, and Yiyong and Liang and Nigel for trying to make it <33 OH and, hahahahaa Alex! remember tzeSchiz' cute philo neighbour! hahahahaa, man, he was there, and talking to me. damn, like, cute. *squee*

cheese, man, as i said last year, eds is love, absynthe, and all other forms of exotic alcohol.

j'ai découvert en elle
j'ai découvert mes racines et mes ailes.
Sunday, May 13, 2007
11:32 a.m.

After catching Hors de Prix, last night, I have been considering the French language. The things I know are clashing with everyday English phrases I've never really bothered to consider. Namely, hors d'oeuvres. Hors de prix translates as 'out of price', or roughly, Priceless. I know this. To this logic, hors d'oeuvres would be... out of something else. Because of, you know, my Italian (uove), it sounds to me like. Out of eggs, as in, Outside eggs. Without eggs. Excepting eggs.
It actually means out of work, which doesn't really help.

Linguistic crises aside, the film was very nice! Funny, and sweet, and silly and sad. And oooohmg, Audrey Tatou! I like her very much. She's the one from Amelie. I must say Amelie was better, but this was pretty excellent, too. Lighthearted. I was a terror, though. After the film I read through all the credits, proclaiming odd French names, very loudly. Also things like, ALEJANDRO VASQUEZ, HE IS NOT FRENCH AHA. ANGELO PARABUZZI! HIM NEITHER! I left the cinema talking very animatedly with a French accent.

I am convinced I am the only person who understood what happened at the end of the movie, because I recognise the Euro coins. This is excellent proof of a real European movie- most people outside Europe cannot tell the Euros apart. I was vastly amused and superior-feeling. If you see the film, you'll get it- and you should! It was very nice.

no-one can rain on our parade.
Saturday, May 12, 2007
11:59 p.m.

i am sunburnt. this bothers me, you know, because i cannot lie down and go to bed! it is not comfortable, no. thursday was class outing shiz to SENTOSA, which is far less banal than i remember it being. the school was all, haha, have thirty dollars spending money yay! so i uh. ordered a margerita at Cafe Del Mar and charged it to the school. i suppose my penance is the oval of tomato-skin on my back. my shoulders are sore, and so are, interestingly, the backs of my knees. this is quite strange.

also, i have a feeling Lim Siew Yea knows us better than we think. at lovely cap briefing on friday, she was saying, see, now that you are at cap, when you tell a joke, there will be people who say, i.... get it! which is, you know, exactly the case.

this year is a massive hwachong party. it is quite insane- i mean, eighteen people! grr. including melo. i am not very fond of melo. however, alan, kuangli and rachel au-yong of the eclectic surname.

tonight i took photos! for the edsnight programme (this is compensating for last year's, which was made in half an hour). oooohmg we are very stuffed, with regards to eds- extremely depressing situation.

i am not very entertaining today, i apologise. oh, hope to catch French movie tonight! awesome. i am such an. a. extralinguiphile, i say, carefully. Calendar Girls is on telly! it is a marvellous film you should catch it. grar.

this is a song about reckless abandon-
i guess some of you will recognise it.
Tuesday, May 8, 2007
05:46 p.m.

Some days go by, I wish I were famous
Or maybe religious, so I could go to heaven
Just like you.
I could have a big house,
complain about taxes,
Pay off my ex's, ain't that living? No one makes fun of me
because I can't stand up for myself

When mom hears this song
She'll tell me I'm crazy
She'll say, Andrew, son,
you're much too young,
go have some fun
don't waste your youth like I did.

And, whoa- we're 21 and invincible
I can't wait to screw this up
And, whoa- we're 21 and invincible
I'm in power for the hour
I guess today's gonna blow us away.

(And it's been Autumn since the day that I met you- If I hit bottom must I crawl out alone?
And I don't wish to know the secrets of summer at all.)

so like a Ween album.
Sunday, May 6, 2007
11:47 a.m.

at this particular moment i am eating chocolate and cheese. i wrapped a small bar of milk chocolate in a piece of carrefour cheddar and microwaved it for about four seconds. the cheese has resolidified with a delightful rubbery texture and the chocolate is soft and runny-squishy.

i admit that i am very strange.

my momma always said
life is like box of chocolates.
you never know what you're gonna get.
Monday, April 29, 2007
10:15 p.m.

I don't know if we all have a destiny, or if we're all just floating about accidental-like on the breeze... but. I think maybe it's both, maybe both are happening at the same time. I miss you, Jenny. And if there's anything you need, I won't be far away.

it has been a long time since i watched Forrest Gump (eight years, to be precise) and i think it is marvellous. i missed out on alot of it when i was little, but i get it now. i still do not think, whatever our Chinese compre says, that he is stupid. also i cried everytime he met Jenny.
on a lighter, FJ junior, is a very small, very cute, and clearly highly precocious Haley Joel Osment! i recognised his voice and then you notice he doesn't look so different. alright i must go and wash my face now. ><

ogni giorno
ti trovo nel mio mondo.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
00:37 a.m.

sweetheart, it is half past midnight and i cannot think why you are not yet home. my parents have been asleep for a long time. i'm waiting for you and i am exhausted, so, seriously, where are you?
where do you go at this time of night, not that i am turning into an overparanoid schizoidbitch (though you might think i cared more if i did ><), but i am wondering. i am tired. do hurry?

also, all, please ignore weird time screwup in previous entry. computer is somewhat jetlagged.

but it's just the same hard candy,
you'll remember it again.
Thursday, June 7, 2001
09:19 p.m.

now i am glad to have gone for at least this one speech day in my four years, but i must say, i think the whole thing is blown ridiculously out of proportion, especially with the whole Guard of Honour marching about the opening ceremony. it was like National Day. maybe tis just me, though.

on other things, i finished the Memory Artists today, it was excellent. this was a book i picked up for five bucks in carrefour. me, wynne, ets, myst, D, regan and DH were in looking for anything related to costuming for cosplay and we saw this massive island of cheap books and totally beelined. i bought this one, in a logical fashion, because it had goldfish on the front. very nice novel, anyway, even for a pseudoscience (mostly chem). about a man with supermemory whose mother is sliding into Alzheimers.

also Regina Spektor is love, love, love. i am very tired! and out of things to say. later!

syfilis!
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
10:19 p.m.

mm, now, this is something i have said many times over the past few years and this time, we can say with certainty and resolve, that we did it, and it's real and oh my, i didn't make this up, but, we've done it.

SYFSYFSYFGOLDGOLDGOLD!

you clutch at anything,
in desperation.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
11:28 p.m.

they look at you,
the way they look at you,
with new eyes, when you hold out your prize-

suddenly everything is worth it,
that knot in your stomach,
the sickly sensation,
your heart about to burst because-
it all feels so good.

it's gone-
whatever it was that- you had
that you thought you had-

it's gone.

(exeunt running.)

funnily enough,
this time it's to an inanimate object
or an abstract concept-
dddddrama.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
11:59 p.m.

after all this time,
i never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here when my love for you
is blind
but i couldn't make you see it
and i love you more
than you will ever know
and part of me will die when i let you go.

(and in case you don't know what i mean-)

Wednesday, April 13, 2005
06:48 p.m.

i want it to be the day before syf for the rest of my life.
there's this kind of bitter anticipation and painful, nervous, expectant worry that's been growing and growing and it all-- rehearsals and costumes and getting caught in the rain-- it ALL culminates tomorrow in twenty minutes on stage. i dont know whether to cry or to be utterly relieved.

honestly, i have no idea. i don't know what i'll do without this.

at night
i look in the mirror
and i see a stranger staring back at me.
Monday, April 16, 2007
08:38 p.m.

drain
the veins in my head,
clean out the reds in my eyes
to get by security lines

Dear x-ray machine,
pretend you don't know me so well
I wont tell if you lie.
cry, cause the droughts been brought up
drinking 'cause you're looking so good
in your Starbucks cup
I complain for the company that I keep;
The windows for sleeping rearrange
and I'm nobody-
well who's laughing now?

I'm leaving your town again
and I'm over the ground that you've been spinning-
and I'm up in the air so baby, hell yeah-
Well honey I can see your house from here
if the plane goes down, damn;
I'll remember where the love was found

If the plane goes down,
damn.

we're living in a den of theives
rumaging for answers in the pages,
and it's contagious.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
08:45 p.m.

man, it has been an eventful week, but i have to get back to watching ER, so i don't have too much time (or breath) to talk about it all! things like, Victor got really sick, we panicked! i ran my 2.4 in thirteen minutes and i need to train, or something. Regina Spektor is pretty cool. ER is long and political. i hate swimming at night, i really do, something about thinking there's things in the water. Mr Ken is horrifically disorganised (but we knew that). Mr Harris is a pain in the backside. Siyun's dad owns car parts and lets us have. tires.

ah, ER starting, love you.

modern girls always want to go work
oldfashioned men always want a mistress

modern girls always get their way.
Sunday, April 8, 2007
08:25 p.m.

i have hit a slump. i mean, we've all gone through slumps and we've gotten through them, right? but for all my vicious belief that writer's block (not writers', because this disability is inarticulately personal and so a private kind of pain) and that it does not exist -and i believe this with a fervence that would put Rae to shame- i am blocked all over like Muei Thai. i have no idea what to do. i have to finish a play, and should really get some poetry under my belt. this feels like. something different- something heavier.

and i remember wynne talking me about feeling like this, i remember darren saying he had a bad case of the WB's, and i joyously imbued my firm conviction that slumps are temporary and WB an extraterrestrial life form. but i know the sense of being without something you've always had, up-and-downly, for the better part of your life. i feel like Joanne- a hand on your shoulder, and it's gone. you aren't ready to let go, you want to hold on to the feeling just a little longer.

but i have no knife to clutch in desperation and instinct has abandoned me like a Chinese daughter. i am lost- unbelievably so. the anthologies and Presidential speeches hace lost their effect and i have no idea, dispite my CPR certificates, what to do. i just hope, as violently as i have for my own life, that it isn't gone, whatever it was, (that private idle i have grown up polishing -pun intended) that i had- that i thought i had.

is this everything you want?
is this everything you want?
Friday, April 6, 2007
09:45 p.m.

grarr! on tuesday we went to see Oliver Twist, ala musique, by TNTBritain. it was excellent! far better than their macbeth last year, if you ask me. the singing was strong, too. in general tnt are very clever at multi-purpose characaters and small casts. and they make you want to speak Cockney! all in all, a great show *applause*.

spent alot of time writing, recently. i hope it comes out well. also hope to do the production tee's on monday. i wish we'd gotten sizes/design done by YESTERDAY, then we'd have had the weekend. as it is we're going to have to stencil and hand paint. i am getting help from claire, shhhh.

lots of new young indie bands, mostly indie-pop and good. Lucky Soul, Get Him Eat Him's upcoming album (!!!!!!), Amandine (who aren't new, but-), and Tristan Prettyman's sneaky old EP's. yay! work on production tee now, catch you later.

peanut butter jelly
butter butter.
Monday, April 2, 2007
04:08 a.m.

hahahahahaaa it is four in the morning and i am so dead sleepwise, but it is so late i figure one blogpost is not going to make much of a difference. so i am going to blog about WYNNE.

now see, wynne is a nice person. today (and note my use of today and not tonight, because it was one-fishing-am) wynne asked me about the programmes and tickets for eds night. and i was all, oh you and i are going to do the former, and limie and june are doing the tickets. she asked sam, and boomf, we had the tickets, and as much as i love the girls, they are abysmal. they are microsoft autoshapes personified and terrible- and three people have since vetted these post nascem, BEFORE they reached us. and yet they were STILL frightening. so we decided, at great costs to ourselves, that we would a)remake the tickets, b)kick ivan's ass and c) kick it again.

wynne was on the comp with no photoshop, so i did them! she was very nice and waited for me ^_^ anyway. and now they are done! and we can fulfill objectives as stated above.
the point is. wynne is frequently very nice to me. and to people in general. therefore we shall give her the NICE PEOPLE AWARD! huzzah. also she has the best analogies (the two of us, and recently Reggie as well, can stump you with our Mastery of Metaphor and our teaspoons) and a good snigger. yay wynne!

my brain is not really functioning highly right now, i will snuffle off and collapse into bed.

i think i'll try
defying gravity.
Friday, March 30, 2007
11:49 p.m.

hey hey hey, we hit twenty minutes twenty seconds and we've twenty days to go we are like a CNN show but longer! anyway rehearsals were productive. i am happy. though i must say, i'm feeling slightly sorry for the dance girls for having to perform their pseudo-Chinese dance in front of CSDance. i'd be in tears. but they held up, go, girls.

also! happy birthday, you. it has been a long time and i'm glad you are about, despite all the shit we've had, and the good parts (that mostly ended in shit anyway, but are good in their own right and i wouldn't give them up for anything in the world). be happy, seriously, i'm here for you and everything and i will be.
yours- chronologically and nostalgically, ophelia_syf, eleanor.

i'm sleeping to dream about you
and i'm so tired.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
11:42 p.m.

mmf i tell you, i just finished reading the Handmaid's Tale, and i am DISAPPOINTED with the ending! i mean, talk about abrupt. although it was a very bitterly powerful novel, and full of sadness and emptiness. and scary.

i do not have much else to say, today. i am reading the jc kids' cap portfolios! gosh i hope i. get Cship. (if not i will cry and tear at buildings. disrupt the television signals and contaminate potable water, that sort of thing.)

what about Steve?
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
06:26 p.m.

the concert, the concert, the concert was awesome beyond awesome. Rachael Y is much awesome Live, even when her voice goes funny. she says cigarettes are BAD. i have her autograph. i like her. so do XT, Sharon Shum, Judith Jacobs and Lisa Chong, to list a view (this is not the Tattler)

anyway! mrs goh caught me today >< i did not dare tell her how i am, you know, awaiting inspiration, which is true, and now have several million sketches to complete by thursday. oh well. at least i've old ideas.

also the CAPC interview is tomorrow and i am desperately nervous- pointlessly, i know. i do my best not to think about it, but it's tough and i am worrying, meh. have same interview batch as Gideon, Mike Wee and Tiffany darling. ahh well. i'mma need a leave form, or something, it starts at three. right, later.

won't you meet me by the water
we'll have a really good time.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
04:09 p.m.

tis been a while! my kids have had a competition, and i am massively proud of them (even if they lied to me about doing badly, they are so terrible lah!) and all.

tonight claire and i are going to the RACHAEL YAMAGATA concert, i can take all her consonants away and make her RACHAEL AAAA which is kind of how psyched i am. very. i love rachael AAAA. i would have loved to go to Tristan Prettyman, but, well. ohkay i am going to go now because all the things i was going to say i have forgotten, turrah!

and everyday
it's changed since then-
in every way, i've changed since then.
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
01:35 a.m.

"Anything's possible in Human Nature," Chacko said in his Reading Aloud voic. Talking to the darkness now, suddenly insensitive to his little fountain-haired niece. "Love. Madness. Hope. Infinite joy."
Of the four thing that were Possible in Human Nature, Rahel thought that Infinnate Joy sounded the saddest. Perhaps because of the way Chacko said it.

Infinnate Joy. With a church sound to it. Like a sad fish with fins all over.

and screw you, syf board,
who needs you!
Sunday, March 4, 2007
03:52 p.m.

ohhhhhhh i tell you, i understand the struggle of the local artist/playwright/poet/actor/author. you know our gangster scene, in ICT, HAS BEEN DISALLOWED DUE TO THE USE OF HOKKIEN. now i have checked, carefully, and i know that we are not swearing, etc. HOWEVER THIS IS, APPARENTLY, NOT A DIALECT THEY LIKE. because the winning play LAST syf had whole scene in mandarin! now i know mandarin is more... polite-sounding, but that is far from the point. the point is HOW one can accurately portray Singapore. i've worked in a kitchen, i've hung around in the Heartlands, i've played streetsoccer in the void deck- for all that i may be a middle-class Eurasian in a good school- i know what real Singaporeans speak, and it isn't the pristine English or Mandarin the government would like to pretend. we hang about and swap languages and mix dialects and use Malay words we aren't even sure are Malay. i wish they wouldn't pretend otherwise.

Also i resent their disallowance of our suicide references. i mean, this is Singapore. they are OBSESSED with teenagers slashing their wrists- they're on about it all the time on telly- so let's not pretend it doesn't happen. and anyway, why is this such a problem! after all, every year they allow Bang Bang You're Dead- which if nobody has realised- is entirely about GUN VIOLENCE. it's about a boy who takes a gun to school and shoots all his classmates! that is acceptable, in a country where guns are banned- but teenage girls talking about suicide is not?

yes, i'll admit it's far from politically correct. but it's realistic, at least to a point. and it's not like we're doing it for the hell of it- it is an integral part of our play! so i resent this restriction of our vague attempts at art and portrayal. i do not find it reasonable. there is no. freedom of expression. in the Singapore Youth Festival, nevermind the Singapore Arts Scene, for goodness' sake.

singing when you feel alone
backwards through the megaphone.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
11:01 p.m.

rrheaghyeakksul! omg i am SICK. i went to school in an inordinately pointless fashion yesterday and slept through pretty much all my classes, and then came home en route the doctors and then passed out, i've slept nearly all today as well. this means i am not in such good stead with regards to our CHINESE TEST TOMORROW MORNING WTF and my art lesson tomorrow afternoon. i am pretty glad we no longer have drama on thursdays or else that would be strangely useless too. i doubt my throat will be functional by friday anyway, but i shall show up in the spirit of a Committed And Passionate Senior.

anyway! tomorrow night i am, despite the germs WRACKING MY BODY, going to La Fabbrica to act as PHOTOGRAPH-Y PERSON for the official opening! perhaps i will be all pretentious and drink fizzy water. i am acutely aware of the PRESSURE on me! i mean she will have paid professional people whose job is to go to these things all year round, but still. and also i didn't get round to asking if i could borrow QX's lovely low-light lenses, and stuff, so i'm worried about the quality of my shots. i'll be bringing tripod, but would rather that the shots weren't all grounded. oh well. it is quite an honour! and i tell you i am so STUCK to that restaurant it is just sad.

so yes i shall try and go back to bed now. i feel like eating chocolate and cheese, although presumably not together. perhaps i should just listen to ween instead -__- i think my brain is shutting down goodnight!

because when you go,
all the colours fade when you're gone.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
11:59 p.m.

i miss you something terrible (and this is bad)

however i've been too tired to think and too busy to feel sad, today, and i have so little to hold on to, now, that you've become pretty distant (which goes against all my young promises, i suppose).

i hope it's better where you are.

it's friday i'm in love.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
01:59 a.m.

i was going to like, do a long and detailed happy entry about the awesomeness of RJdramafeste but i've lost my wallet since leaving there and the mood has more then passed. in fact i'm actually feeling pretty down, and incredibly unfulfilled today. the only person i want to discuss this with, i'm afraid, is Darren, but he is too upset in his own stead and all i have to go with is Ryan D (i like Ryan D lots, by the way).

that aside, Stanislavsky was a psychopath and method acting, while awesome cool beans, is bad for you. and also i can't sleep.

fifteen, i'm alright with you.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
03:20 p.m.

OOOOOOOH I APOLOGISE! it's been a long time. i've been very lazy and stuff, so yes! also very busy and very tired, but motly just lazy.

so anyway! i am like, sixteen. went for dinner with Claire and Hannah on thursday night (i hesitate to say evening) and we had sushi. it was a late dinner because Hannah had some AGM nonsense and i had gone with Wynne to see the Mystical Mystie, who had an epileptic fit and gotten herself hospitalised. she is, incidentally, perfectly fine and it was probably a ploy to get more chocolate from people or something.

yesterday i went skating, with the Other Hannah, the Other Angmoh, Hannelore (that is all one person). It was pretty fun, and we met Condrey and Suzannah- separately. after that i went home later than i meant to and got caught in the rain. proceeded to go out for dinner with my parents, the two italian pseudo-relatives who are staying with us, and Wynne and SB. we went to the new La Vela (which is now La Fabbrica, very hip and even more expensive) and had the most marvellous time. i adore that place, srsly. food was to die for and we had much fun. and wine. much good to see all ze pseudo co-workers too!

on other recent matters i have been to one of Wynne's debates! i love how. the debators are SNEAKY and go, okay if i wave my pen when you're speaking it means slow down and if i do it when they're speaking GIVE THEM POI's. also i found it pretty hilarious when TH told the opposition to stop Barracking- actually regarding the opposition and POI's, just urgh funny. they were trying to swat flies! that aside, they beat us unanimously -___-

drama is sort of a large source of neuroses (EDS, rhymes with STRESS ) because it is, i tell you, pretty impossible to collate lists in our school! you end up doing bloody PT and running all over the place. i've submitted out final syf castlist- they wanted name, class and gender. gender. what, so they can allocate changing rooms!? i don't know, beurocracy hilirity. art is also a serious stressor, but i refuse to think about Mrs Goh right now. i do, however, absolutely adore my SOVA and Art History lessons! it's like midway between Lit and Film Studies in terms of application and coverage and it is an incredibly satisfying subject. yes well. musicwise, by the way, Broken Social Scene, Hellogoodbye, and KYO! kyo are, like, love. anyway. later ^^

Sunday, January 28, 2007
03:16 a.m.

I LOVE IT WHEN YOU CALL
I LOVE IT WHEN YOU CALL
I LOVE IT WHEN YOU CALL
BUT YOU NEVER CALL AT ALL.
goodnight, you.

What were worthy wordy William Wordsworth's words worth?
Friday, January 26, 2007
10:41 p.m.

there was a funny guest blog here, the formatting was awful. i didn't get rid of it, but i've embedded it here for posterity, if you know how to access these things.

why can't you be with me
watching American tv?

we could tell the world to stay away please.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
12:12 p.m.

they say Spain is pretty,
though i've never been,
well Daniel says it's the best place
that he's ever seen.
oh and he should know,
he's been there enough-

lord i miss Daniel, oh i miss him so much.

who put the 'glad' in GLADIATOR?
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
06:11 p.m.

ooooooh you know, i got lost in school yesterday! for like, twenty minutes. i wanted to bitch to miss chia about my art stuff, but! i couldn't find her room. i went down the same staircase three times, from three different corridors. i don't know how. but anyway. the campus is sort of... cyclical. also muddy, smelly, and cold in patches.

i was awfully sick over the weekend! and despite the happy little exclamation mark there, i mean awfully, terribly sick. i had this ghastly stomach flu, no a ghastly ghastric flu! and i kept throwing up and stuff that you don't really want to know about. so, yrrch.

anyway i'm not long home, done my maths- grr- and i'm listening to the Hercules soundtrack, as in the Disney one? it is, defying memory, really, really good. the muses are dead funky, and they say things like Bonkers alot and they rhyme it with Toga, which doesn't actually work, but it's still pretty funny. also musicwise you should look up Josh Kelley's Only You. i like. you're not gonna swim away this time, oh oh.

also, if you have the CAP COUNCILLORSHIP FORM. give it to me, now.

it's somehow all i need-
just keep me guessing please.
Monday, January 8, 2007
11:12 p.m.

omgomgomg, cca orientation today! i'm going voiceless, HI I AM ELEANOR I'M THE HEAD OF DRAMA, THE DANCE HEAD IS PREPARING FOR YOUR CONCERT LATER/THE DEBATES HEAD HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED BY MILITANTS/ THE DANCE HEAD IS EATING LUNCH! also much screaming due to sharing the role of Dead Man's Wife with zona.

Dead Man's Play, or Si3 Ren2 Ju4 as we now refer to it, is the most entertaining play to stage, evrr. i messed up an improv (all the lines are improv, actually) and told San Peng that i cooked his children. sort of. it was fun, if tiring. after Wynne and i did the lights for the PA CCA concert- we bashed up the IT club boys' egoes and said NYA these are OUR sexy lights you may not touch them buzz off NYA NYAHAHA.

i got the questions for my oLevel art paper today, i think i'm going to opt to take the Art History paper instead of the Drawing and Painting practical, because i cannot, you know, draw. anyway. i think Art History and Art Critique would be more up my street, especially the latter bit; me, Wynne and Suat have decided it's like lit, just with a picture. it'll come naturally. the History bit will require studehhh. also many lessons with miss Tan. guh. i think i've a better shot at an A like this though. besides i've always harboured a secret desire to study Art History. you know, like Opal Koboi or something. or not.

anyway i'm shattered, my legs are aching or i'd already be asleep. so yes. goodnight all, do not let the zombies bite (on related sidenote OMGOMGOMG eds have new, sexy props like doorframes and MORE BLACK BOXES and like, the door has WHEELS omgomg! isn't that the sexiest? omg.)

i wish it were good news.
Saturday, January 6, 2007
12:45 a.m.

due for an MRI next week, they still don't know what's wrong.
if you are liang, click here.

i'm just bad news,
baby i'm bad news,
i'm just bad news, bad news, bad news.

life's temporary,
like New Year's resolutions.
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
10:11 p.m.

firstly: PASS AMATHS.
secondly: eight-minus-two points. no shit.
thirdly: a1 geography, a1 combined humanities. no SHIT.
fourthly, and wordly-ly: SYFSYFSYF GOLDGOLDGOLD.
fifthly: endeavour to study properly and become one of those sexy girls who ace school, cca, and hold down a sunday job.

sixthy: keep calm. it is all too trivial to bother me. eleanor has bigger fish to fry.

penultimately: cap councillorship. i don't care if i have to squeeze david crawshaw until his secret methods pop out of his brain, i will be a councillor.

lastly: be good. be better. be best. (that made sense.)

i loved you first, i loved you first
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth-

i have to go, i have to go.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
11:43 p.m.

omfg i am like, a dessert-making awesome person! in order, though.

well today i was the youngest person on jurong island! my manager told me to be there at a time which conveniently meant i would miss all the feeder buses so i ended up waiting at the stupid busstop in the checkpoint for nearly two hours, sometimes talking to one of the men-in-uniform who was nice and sympathetic. THEN MY MANAGER CAME TO PICK ME UP ON HIS MOTORBIKE. the lift daniel gave me from Keppel was CLEARLY A VERY TAME ONE. maybe it was because i had no helmet and he was scared of killing me on the scary slope. either that or Stefan is just a violent biker. but seriously i can see how motorcyclists DIE ALL THE TIME. i mean, really! i was holding my helmet on with one hand because it was too big. i didn't actually bite my lip, but i had it in my mouth just in case i was overtaken by terror. it was quite frightening, especially on turns. and stopping is very strange too because you seem to get detached from the bike- is that how you spell dettached?- and slide away from it.

and and, the jurong branch IS VERY CRAZY. it's busy and people like show up all at once! and they are clearly all regulars. it's quite strange being the new kid. i don't think i could stay there long- it's very stressful, Lyn is a frosty, nasty piece of work, Stephan shouts at Eanie (yani) too much, and poor Eanie, who is really nice, is hardworking, but rather hard-done-to. oh well. it depends.

so anyway i went back to Keppel for the nightshift, i am like a multi-purpose kitchen slave, now, i'm supposed to help the auntie with the dishes, on the nights i'm not waiting, but she is crazy, and conveniently only speaks Tamil. i'll be washing something and she'll come over, and nudge me out of the way and will mutter something at me. i tell her she's raving insane, and smile, and go away. she can't tell what i'm saying, or what anyone else is saying, which is amazingly funny. so i helped make antipasti, made iced coffe for everyone (because the head chef accused me of bias and only making coffee for daniel, who is my favourite of the kitchen staff), i helped serve the spaghetti AND I GOT TO DO IMPORTANT THINGS WITH THE DESSERT!!

see when making meals for 60 crazy japanese people, every course and nearly every dish is team-made. so like, for the dessert the lavacake was cut out of its holder by the Fat Malay Chef and put on a plate decorated by him or Irfan, with strawberries cut by Daniel and arranged by me or Fat Malay Chef, blueberries arranged by me, Irfan or Antonio, with ICECREAM BY ME HAHA SEE I AM IMPORTANT you might not understand, BUT I AM! oh with a lanternfruit on top, opened by me, Irfan, Barry or Antonio. of course, while i'm busy with the dessert, the auntie starts squawking for me, she sounds like some variety of parrot. Daniel likes to go and lean on the sink and smile at her? today she stabbed his nose with a sponge, it was the funniest thing ever. he chased me with a frying pan for laughing at him like i did. DANIEL LOOKS SOOOO LIKE YUANWEI, I WILL GET A PHOTO TO SHOW YOU.

the (all-male) kitchen staff were making lots of jokes about my off-the-shoulder shirt, today. men mostly kind of suck, their brains are stuck in the gutters like sewage. but i like the kitchen staff, especially Daniel and Gray (head chef dude). Daniel is nice, and Gray is more down -to-earth than the rest of them- Lisa maintains that the kitchen staff are all crazy.

rargle i am kind of loving this work-shiz. speaking of which i must get up at seven tomorrow. ^^ it is so disgusting. me and eanie are taking the mrt together to go to JE for the 9am feeder bus. night, all. love you.

would i fight with an angel?
would i take it all back?
Sunday, December 10, 2006
03:32 p.m.

DEAR HIGHER POWERS.

I AM GOING TO THE WAKE OF A HEALTHY, FORTY-YEAR-OLD WOMAN NOW. SHE PASSED AWAY IN HER SLEEP YESTERDAY, HER MOTHER CAME HOME FROM THE MARKET AND TRIED TO WAKE HER AND REALISED SHE COULDN'T.

NOW THIS IS NOT FAIR. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IN THE NAME OF CHOCOLATE FONDUE YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING, BUT I HAVE HAD ENOUGH. IT IS WRONG WRONG WRONG FOR THIS YEAR TO BE SO AWFUL AND BAD. TRY HELPING PEOPLE FOR ONCE. CURE AIDS. MAKE FOOD. EDUCATE. because, though i may not be very high on your priority post-it, i seriously cannot take very much more of this.

oomph, i do not like how i only come back to my blog to angst >_< it's just these days with work and stuff i come home and do not want to type or do anything that requires actual cognitive function. aside from iSketch.

anyway i'm going to the wake, now. you know it's been a really, really batshit hell ass awful year.

...and, eleanor, with a
spectacular show of posed naivete,
has done it again, stupid!
Thursday, November 30, 2006
09:21 p.m.

you don't know me
and you don't even care.

i am not some cheap fuck who's going to mess around with you just to get you off, i'm loved and i'll not throw it away for someone who only wants what you want from me.

one more night-
i dreamed it was a good one.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
02:48 p.m.

hello! i'm sorry about the break in posts, i've been busy with the house. since my last i've caught a bad flu, come up with coldsores (they've gone, now), fallen down the stairs, taken a stray cat the vet with a broken leg, pushed my mother halfway to the rubbish complex on a old swivel chair, been pushed the rest of the way by her, had dinner speaking solely in french accents, watched THREE EPISODES OF TOP GEAR, bought orange curtains, eaten at marche with the lowest spending ever (with ets, mystie, D and DH) or four dollars, and unpacked all my books and clothes.

i've been painting lots, too, and i'd show you the scans except, my scanner is still packed. but they are pretty, and i'm exceedingly proud. i begin work on my christmas presents soon, with an estimated cost far exceeding all previous years. and more ink. and feathers. i give too much away.

alright, much love.

mack truck ex machina.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
09:10 p.m.

les temps sont durs
pour les ręveurs.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
05:15 p.m.

mm, sorry for the lapse, the laptop was in for servicing. the house is full of plaster dust, it's awful icky, i wear goggles and pull my shirt over my nose/mouth whenever i leave the bedroom. things are slowing down, but still looking alright. if you can see through the dust.

we had the nafa drama workshop today AND YOU KNOW WHO TOOK IT. SAZALI. as in SAZALI BANGALI.

it was so strange! he was so strange! he is very strange. we did the thing that is the opposite of method acting, the name escapes me. i don't like it. the Method is more my thing. quieter and thought out, more intense. less stabby-in-the-dark. stab stab stabbity stab. anyway. teamed up with a boy called Anything (he told me to call him Anything, i think he's actually Wai Xiang) to do the one Method exercise we did, item-connection. sazali made me do mine without speaking. he is strange. it had impact. but still.

alright, this is my christmas wishlist. i am a capitalist. those are the things i'd like, don't take it too seriously. i'd like nothing more than a helium fish balloon, so i can follow my fishie.

i hope you find out what you want
i already know what i am.
Monday, November 13, 2006
01:00 p.m.

The first time, how we slept with the light on
and the sun's coming up and we woke up on the floor
All the things that you feel that you can't describe.

Is it always the same thing
or is this just a new dream that's keeping you up at night?

is there ever enough love
to repair
this family affair?
Saturday, November 11, 2006
05:49 p.m.

ladies, ladies, do you know where we will be having eds night next year! no, unfortunately not the UCC, because a thousand two an hour is just slightly out of our budget ><. we will be, stunningly, in the HDB HUB AUDITORIUM. now the building is teh awesome, and all, according to photos, my mother, and mr ken. however the name leaves something to be desired. it's in toa payoh, by the way.

anyway drama yesterday, didn't do very much. i spent alot of it stoning with Scht'fi, who was very, very hung over. me and Wynne were telling her to drink, among other things, water, chamomile and Irn Bru. Mr Ken looked very ohdeary when he heard us. then when Wynne had to work with Jess, Schteff and i discussed Gideon for a while. she gave me a very nice neoprint of her and Schiz, which i cannot upload for fear of offending someone's girlfriend. but anyway, he kinda sucks.

after this eleanor publickly transported herself down to PS, where she got RAINED ON due to a general lack of common sense in getting from the mrt to the cinema. she and Liang watched Deathnote without event, except for threatening to loudly spoiler for the noisy people in the vicinity (mostly him), complaining about the swerves from comic plot (mostly me) and eating the other's food (me again). then we went for icecream, waffles being discounted by him on grounds of being too much like real food. eleanor like. eleanor happy. eleanor spera che tutto vada bene. eleanor parla altre lingue, hurhurr.

also i consume so much orange juice i'll be changing colour sometime soon. anwyay going out to get some dinner now, dad's coming home tonight, the fate of our dear Desire cat hangs in the balance. at the moment he is wrecking the bathroom, by the way. do check out his promo picture, here.

and they say.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
01:44 a.m.

"oh, she's into drama?"
"Nor is more than into drama. She is up to her neck in drama. she is up to her eyeballs and drowning in drama."
"i've got my hands on SCUBA equipment and am coasting the corals of drama, mother, and i'm going to be late!"

okay, now,
it's personal.
Wednesday, November 8, 2006
11:44 p.m.

you will not bring me down.

STOP
Friday, November 3, 2006
10:02 p.m.

[joanne looks up; pensive, realising.]
they look at you.

the way they look at you, with new eyes, when you hold out your prize- you look at them and they smile and you know that they accept you, approve of you.
suddenly, everything is worth it: that knot in your stomach, the sickly sensation, the cold sweat, [rising to climax] your heart about to burst- because it all feels- so good. [beat] you feel alive, free. you feel strong.

[her eyes show a shift in the people around her]then, they suddenly scatter and, you wonder why. [bitter, puzzled, confused.] you're shocked, you don't want to let go of this moment, it's too precious but- [slowly] it's slipping away... [desperate] you want to feel strong.

then [reacts to someone grabbing her from behind] a hand on your shoulder chases it all away- [she backs up, frantic, around the circle] it's gone! but you aren't ready to let go, you want to hold onto the moment, [pleading with audience] just a little longer? you clutch at anything, in desperation. [beat] a knife.
[a change of pace] instinct takes over and you swing. and before you know it- [she drops the knife]

[a controlled, harsh, violent panic] you've caused a scene people are staring there's blood on your hands what have you done?
[she stares at her hands]

it's gone. whatever it was that you had, that, [shakily] that you thought you had-
[lost, empty and strangely haunting] it's gone.

i'm ready
i'm ready so don't stop.
Saturday, October 28, 2006
10:23 p.m.

GRARRR litsem!
i was horribly nervous! my hand were shaking all through my moron soliloquy. however, in order.

i totally won an alarm clock! we watched Tick, which is a one-woman thing with Christina Sergeant (who is totally all kinds of amazing, she's the woman from Mime Unlimited)and written by Michael Corbidge, from the Dresser. i won the clock by asking a question in the QA, it was funny! i think he recognised me, rawr. they did a good shot at the Scottish Play, she made a good Lady M.

after that there was...... POETRY SLAM. like omg, i don't like poetry slam! i've decided. it's abit like making shakespeare into cartoons for the masses. i don't approve, i'm an elitist stick, if you can't appreciate it the way it is, don't mangle it and lower the standard just so everyone can. and the groups that presented were mostly awful, especially the RG girls- they were poseur, angsty and badly pronounced, and they packed as many big words as they could into each sentence. the RI BOYS WHO SANG COCONUT LOVE ACAPPELLA, WERE JUST SO CUTE. objectively, the hwach team were the best, se moi. but COCONUT LOVE <333

then teabreak, which was spent discovering that i am THINNER than most of my juniors! they couldn't/wouldn't wear my black tees. this was strange. i also spent it folding my skirt to neighbourhoodie length. lim siew yea was looking at me funny.

the actual pres was pretty scary. i missed a line, and said the MY NAME IS JOANNE thing wrong! i'm totally looking fro serious opinions on the monologue, do oblige?

RI were on before us, with the Merchant of Venice. shylock as a car rental pimp. it was strange. after us was NY who hadn't rehearsed EVRR, they wrote it last night. JAZZY was so awesome, they made the play about a rehearsal so they could read from scripts, that is the cleverest thing evrr. Jazz was so directing people, it was great, and one girl's phone went off onstage, and she covered with a You know your phone is supposed to be OFF during rehearsals! it was really funny >< after that was, ri again, with Julius Caesar set in china. like. okay. ROMANS OF THE THREE KINGDOMS, according to alan, which is just hilarious.

went to orchard with ylynn, ting tiff and wynne, but the T's kind of got too into the shopping thing, so we three left and went home. we totally ate in the mrt lah hello. after that i crashed on my mom's bed and went to sleep, til my dad called. i've been playing hexic since dinner, orklmnbahripk, i will now retrieve my brain and do something productive, think i shall work on the play. or something. night, all.

je te vends mon ame.
Friday, October 27, 2006
12:08 a.m.

hello all, i really must watch the Prestige! it is getting shocking, all the indie-kids are talking about it, i feel left out. it's like parapara jokes at primary school level camp: shameful. i shall endeavour to catch it soon!

anyway tomorrow there is no school, but i drag my carcass, and my juniors, in to the audi for litsem rehearsals. alan says it's actually technically LitSym, but does anyone care? can i get a hallelujah? maybe not!

am veryvery tired! i would like to know, right, how a band singing french got called Kyo, seeing as the french don't use K, or Y, and certainly not the two simultaneously. c'est la vie, darlings.

my mom's friend, the one who went for dinner with my mom and me and alan, may have a brain tumour, i tell you this is a seriously dreadful awful year. isn't it!

alright, bed calls, i am seriously exhausted from everything. my back is pretty bad! i /hurt. anyway. shall survive, and all. goodnight!

she left a note and said
i'm sorry, i,

had a bad day again.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
02:23 a.m.

i just got home from the hospital, my godma's in the icu with pneumonia due to liquid in her lungs from choking repeatedly because of her parkinsons. i'm worried. i'm also tired.

i don't want to go to school, seriously, but i have drama and it's a responsability.

the icu is a pretty nasty place, if you ask me. it's cramped and things beep all the time and it's freezing. i'm reading my old poetry and i think it really is a bitch i only ever knew her when she was sick. everyone tells me she was an amazing woman.

get well, godma. it's not over yet, damn it.

fumbling through your dresser drawer
forgot what i was looking for.
Monday, October 23, 2006
01:16 a.m.

grarr, today was claire's birthday!

we (me her ky and rae) went skating, for a few hours. i practised! hard! it was funxorz. i've improved my bauer, even if it's still a mess :/ condrey totally sprayed ice on me when i fell! but yes. me rae and claire came up with new rapspeak! we were talking about WHIPS meaning cars! i mean, it doesn't make much sense, yo welcome to ma crib, homie, now i gon show you ma whips! so apparently, we've decided, yo flags are your thighs, yo gap is your chest, yo pipes are your legs and for some reason yo twigs are your buttons. this is, obviously, rae's fault.

so then me and the girls cabbed to suntec to play ARCADE! no fire. we got kind of distracted by the world's most awesome movie paraphernalia shop. THEN we went to play ddr and parapara. i am very bad at ddr. (it's too fast! dance dance gradual social change is more my type of thing) and claire played this drum game WHICH TOTALLY PLAYED SOBAKASU. then we went home! it was fun, if exhaustive.

i made claire super indie music posters, in the sense that, we are now so indie we don't even buy posters, we make our own. i did Explosions in the Sky (a la QC) Deathcab for Cutie, the Postal Service and Copeland. it was fun but it (and hexic) kept me up til fourthirty yester. so anyway tired (and feeling old and very bruised) i head off to my bed.

on a side note, i have hurt my back, i took a bad fall today, and i feel it now. also, ma flags are aching.

i've heard there was a secret chord.
Saturday, October 21, 2006
10:39 p.m.

I did my best, it wasn't much,
I couldn't feel, so I learned to touch.
I've told the truth, I didn't come all this way
to fool you.

Yeah even though it all went wrong
I'll stand right here before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my lips but hallelujah,
hallelujah, hallelujah.

in which reality gets an Eleanor check.
...
and YES we have still got her!
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
12:03 a.m.

everybody;
MICHAEL J. FOX.

am muchly impressed by his deal on the Actor's Studio. i tell you one day I will be worth something like that. i will be.

i thought about it today! i've lost alot of things, lately. i could lose alot more, hell, i could die. this scares me. in fact it all scares me. i figure i can let it get to me or i can plough through (and when i am famous they can ask me about these things that happened when i was a kid) and just keep going.

i've said this to people before but i think i need to say it again and again or else i'll forget, you know? sometimes i just get tired- we all get tired. and, like, i need to feel alive, or i'll feel dead. and since there's plenty of things that are dead, i'll stay off the list for now.

just add water
it's a crying shame.
Monday, October 16, 2006
02:04 p.m.

i feel incompetent and lightheaded, which i assure you is an incredibly stressful way to feel.

my mom is trying to call china to ascertain the exact address of my the hotel my dad is in so she can sneakily send him a birthday present. please note that my mother speaks about as much chinese as a burrito in the southwest corner of fiji. she called and asked, i believe, for someone speaking EEGRISH, which apparently there wasn't. this might have taken a while to figure out, because my mother asked this in chinese, and her chinese is sort of indecipherable.

so she calls me! and i try to ask the woman the address of the hotel. eventually she tells me, no you have the wrong number i am NOT lin chieh shi, and i got fed up and overwhelmed and put the phone down on her.

so after this MY MOTHER CALLS AGAIN! and asks in english for an english speaker. and there was none. and then! i do the talking! and it's the same woman! WHO SAYS, DIDN'T YOU SAY YOU HAD THE WRONG NUMBER. eventually we find out, or i'm guessing, that it was a MAIN NUMBER THING and not the number for the hotel on the tiny island my dad is on. she patched me through and i got another woman this time, although she was straightforward and gave the address, which matched the hazy one given by the office.

i really hope it was the fact the her chinese was CHINESE, ie she used different words and spoke like a rocket on crystal meth, and that my mother confused the woman, and me, that resulted in me not really understanding and that it was not a reflection on my shiny chinese. because i like to think i can cope!

on other things the haze is really bad today! eat prawns, yo. (LOL)

i've been fabulous through
to fight my town a name.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
10:55 p.m.

yarr it's been a while. also a preapology to wynne and qx before we begin (and also copy paste from chats)

i don't know, i like my lantern shots the way they are i am very confused now, before i was supposed to be good people LIKED my work and and and now i have art exam pieces that are apparently 'not very successful' and photography nobody agrees with me on and everytime someone shows me a picture i'm usually of the opinion that it's stunning, because i do think they are! and i mean it!

and and. i'm very confused. it means a frightful lot to me, i worked really hard to even buy my damn camera, but for some reason people liked me more when i had one point three meg!
also everybody likes working late, which i seriously do not find that special. it's very like Tim Wee's Vacant Affair, just in YELLOW LIGHTING, not cold white, and with a bicycle instead of teenage boys.

i don't know, i think it's the fever that's making me insecure (yes i am FLUING), either that or it's my secret crystal meth habit that's making me paranoid. *twist*

also exams are over, i seriously consider dropping amath, and play recoil. really.

she takes a drink and then she waits
the alcohol it permeates
and cancels out the day.
Thursday, October 5, 2006
01:28 a.m.

Alan: this is infinitely depressing
me: what is.
Alan: exams!
me: that is the general definition of the term exam. it is like an illness.
me: key symptoms being suicide threats, a spike in the coke and coffee consumptions in and around schools, a change in the afterschool rush hour pulic transport traffic and more after peak hour electricity usage in families with school age children.

basically this afternoon/evening/night has entailed chemistry, art, and Questional Content. i have had something like three cans of coke and the caffeine is taking over all my bases are belong to coke roefklbqoeklvaol!
i have entertained the thought of staying up all night, but it would be idealistic of me to think i'd finish everything and therefore be able to sleep this off tomorrow afternoon. from this we gather that eleanor will have to go to bed before she has to wake up for school tomorrow.

today my mother and i listened to the beatles in the car. it was quite funny. we both know all the words. the cat hit his head today jumping up the bookshelf, i tell you my mother and i are like psychotic people. yes now you know where the genes come from.
on a less happy note i have lost my geog a1 for ca2 ): ): ): i'm twofifths done with art, sort of, will type up my explanation for ballerina tomorrow after school. i don't want to go for math tuition. i think i shall tell my mom i'm going but not go. i just can't face the math. ><

anyway i am going to go and be productive, not in a biological baby sense, and stave off the feeling of utter doom. i have, to be honest, never been so scared about my exams. i usually don't give, as tiffany would put it, a flying fuck.

(oh and, if you were wondering, i looked up the lyrics to god of wine today, i don't know if it's coincidence or rfevbhiohuwlk i don't know and can't afford to think about this now.)

we've got love and hate
it's the only way
Wednesday, October 4, 2006
12:18 a.m.

tonight is, for some reason, one of those nights where i feel like getting really seriously drunk, calling up random male people and redecorating my room in the middle of the night. seeing as i have a geography paper tomorrow, this plan does not bode well, so i am drinking tonic water, reading Questionable Content archives and have my hair tied up nicely. tomorrow morning i will wake up late, stop by mac's on my way to school and maybe flirt with geoffrey. all in good spirit, of course. if not we can talk about shoes, he is even better than a girlfriend.

on other things the ball of my right thumb is numb, in a rhyming fashion. my thumb is numb. okay anyway. this is a repetitive strain injury i swear, i wrote eight sides for geog yester, plus four or five sides for ss. today i had two emath papers, and lit, for which i wrote nearly nine sides. it has this weird pins and needles thing now. also i wish to charge my stationary bills to the government. it's getting a little ridiculous.

also, i officially weigh fortysix kilos, this being obscene by my standards. even reuben, who saw me for about thirty seconds up close this morning said i looked thinner. i mean. !!!. also. criminal minds is like the awesomest show, the main profiling team are include Gideon, Elle, David and Mike. unfortunately the remaining females are not called Wynne, but i'm sure needlenose here could change her name at some point.

anyway i am terribly tired, i think i shall go bed. i will pin my hair instead of wearing a hairband tomorrow, hmm.

I love it when you give me things
you ought to give me wedding rings.
Tuesday, October 3, 2006
12:17 a.m.

very quick post- i have two emath papers tomorrow. i have become like a certain sortof-relative of mine and well neglected my maths in favour of doing well for my geog/lit/english. also LITERATURE tomorrow, and i hold the 'mainstream' way of testing lit in high comtempt.

okay shall sleep soon, night all.

crossing the lines, strips of light
peel back and re-adhere your soul to stars.
Friday, September 29, 2006
11:41 p.m.

hmm hmm i have nothing shiny to wear in my hear and this displeases me to an unnatural extent.

on other things, bio and chinky compo today. both pretty easy, and i SLEPT FOR HALF AN HOUR IN THE CHINK, HA!

anyway very tired, shall go to sleep. i meant to be asleep already, actually -.-

c'e un po' di traffico nel anima
non ho capito cose'
Friday, September 29, 2006
01:29 a.m.

DONE.
DIGESTED.
D'AWESOME. AN-
D'IF YOU TAKE BIO, YOU'
D'ACE IT WITH MY NOTES.

also i love wynne for describing the pancreas, and all, and tiffany for the stickies because i have one that says THE PANCREAS IS THE ONE THAT LOOKS LIKE A PALM LEAF.

i might not fail tomorrow, thanks to them two. mostly wynne, though. <333

HAI UN MOMENTO, DIO?
Thursday, September 28, 2006
09:57 p.m.

okay. i admit it. i can't tell which one is the pancreas. i keep thinking the duodenum is at the END of the large intestine: but it's NOT. it goes from the stomach to the SMALL INTESTINE. clearly i am in deep trouble.

dear realising:
Thursday, September 28, 2006
12:01 a.m.

am i still your charm
or am i just bad luck?

we get by just fine
here on minimum wage.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
08:35 p.m.

i have spent most of my day studying biology, and not in a splunky-connotation-filled way, but in the okay, turn to page 89 and sketch your duodenum kind of way. the the rest of it was spent preventing this kitten thing from -literally- bouncing off the walls. at the moment it is STANDING ON MY BACK. and i kid you not. i don't even know how it does that. it's probably wearing anti-grav boots hidden in those little black paws.

the other thing he keeps doing is sitting on the keyboard. this has resulted in me saying many intelligent things to QX and david, for example:
[Delirium☆] says: nersgiQUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEQQQQQQQOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOe

yes well anyway. the rest of the time he was asleep in my lap, terribly cute. after a while my legs started cramping up, so i had to get him to go to sleep on the bed instead. refused to sleep without me there, so i curled my arm around him and he like. hugged it with both paws, like a bolster, and went to sleep. completely, tremendously adorable (i gush).
WAIT no what did i say, he is an evil, elbow chewing monster, who is smelly and scratchy and NOBODY ELSE WANTS TO GIVE IT A HOME, YOU HEAR! ><

also, GGGGOLLY, SANDRA, YOU'VE GROWN UP REALLY CRAZY. okay uh. enterokinase activates trypsinogen, making it trypsin which will convert proteins into polypeptides.

right i will go back to my bio now, and hope not to fail. also if anyone needs help analysing the Scottish play, ask me because it helps me revise. don't sleep too late, k.

the atlantic was born today
and i'll tell you how.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
10:23 p.m.

those people were overjoyed;
they took to their boats
i thought it less like a lake,
and more like a moat.
the rhythm of my footsteps
crossing flood lands to your door
have been silenced
forever more.

the distance is quite simply
much too far for me to row:
it seems farther than ever before

i need you so much closer.
i need you so much closer.

if heaven and hell
illuminate the No's on their vacancy signs.
Monday, September 25, 2006
10:37 p.m.

today i replicated a certain sequence from MY's la film (actually watching wynne do the scene make my eyes fill). i have to pass, damn it.

e svelgiarsi la mattina
con la voglia di parlare
solo con te.
Sunday, September 24, 2006
07:41 p.m.

YESTERDAY, THE PHOTOSHOOT WAS AWWWWWWWESOME.
eleanor loves ets, immensely. this is the best piece from the day PLEASE DO HAVE A LOOK.

also, i have a cat. uhm, he/she (as yet unknown, please don't ask) is very cute, and not very well, and possibly in need of a (permanent) home. also has fleas. am much in love (miss napoleon crazy) and learning about house training a cat. photos in due time. name suggestions for an androgynous cat, by the way? on the table are Desire, and Miyavi (this is Ting's Japrocker obsession, who, i swear, looks like a girl.)

with regards to the ubiquitous singapore idol, they BOTH SING FLAT. alright. ALSO after the exams, i want to make a dress. this is eleanor's latest crazy embarkation. i'm thinking like Marilyn's in The Seven Year Itch. as in, uh, the airvent. well vaguely anyway. white halter with flowy skirt. i will need. lots of help ><

mm anyway, bed soon, chinese sooner, goodnight all AND LOOK AT THE PICTURE. kthxbye.

the bandaid covers the bullet hole.
Friday, September 22, 2006
10:42 p.m.

(there was an angry, angry post here, but common sense got rid of it. this is here, in parenthesis, for posterity.)

of shocking discoveries.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
09:53 p.m.

i lost my pen, so while i was searching for my spare, i found bubblegum, a vcd of American Beauty, and a bottle of Amareno, which constitutes Discovery Number One.

on a far more serious note i was going through my Received files looking for Matthew's poetry, because i was listening to the Killers and they said, forget what they say in soho and i thought about she runs through soho and well anyway-- this led to Discovery Number Two- that i can't find the file. the resultant feeling of devastation might qualify as Three.

Four came from the continued searching and eventual locating of Xiao Tong's Morning News. which invariably leaves me feeling both damaged and special. it is a seriously beautiful poem. (of course, couple this with Wynne's Dollhouse Trilogy, and the feeling gets stronger, and you get more and more miserable with each section.)

Five comes from this: the sad sad shockingly belated realisation that, the secfours, who we always thought would just... hang around, have actually really gone. they have their own seniors, now, and shortly, new juniors. it is the strangest feeling, evrr.

Six is the source of much misery: i miss Matthew bitterly. i miss xt, and ets, and allie, and aiksiong, and pokvin and the boys. but i miss Matthew the most, and he doesn't particularly notice. none of them do. but really. Matt, who wrote poetry for me, who ran through the rain to get costumes with me, who listened to soco, who took me seriously, who called me Eleanor before anyone else did. who swapped to Ophelia. Matthew who cared the most, who stayed up the latest, who did the best, who tried the hardest.

seriously. anyway. that's Six. Seven is the feeling of utter misery. aggravated by. well. Wynne's Private Letter To Someone Who Isn't There Anymore, which has frankly left me in tears.

and what really kills, is that i still haven't found his poetry.

superstars sucked into the supermassive-
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
07:14 p.m.

i figure, i was wrong about you in every possible way. your parents, the overt racism, the right to be angry with people- i never gave you the benefit of the doubt and i was always right, remember.

well this time you really, really aren't wrong. be happy, be good.

chemistry
will send me to the
cemetery.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
10:50 p.m.

points to note for today:
-i am miserable because i think i will fail art.
-i am tired.
-i have new IKEA BLANKETS which i love.
-i am cold.
-i have a new emaths teacher. he's an improvement.
-i successfully slept in chem today!
-i correct people's english all time.
(leading to)
-i will probably be beaten up, eventually.
-i dislike school intensely.
-Guides' cookies are good.
-i am going to bed. goodnight.

monster hospital,
i fought the war, but the war won.
Monday, September 18, 2006
07:16 p.m.

bam chica-bam chica boom-boom-boom
she-lang she-lang boom,
she-lang she-lang boom.

bam chica-bam chica boom-boom-boom
she-lang she-lang boom.

it's fool's gold glowing
but nothing is growing.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
11:36 p.m.

wynne says i should blog about hsk, i think i shall tomorrow, dead tired now. this is quite a pointless post, mm.

(eleanor is happy, by the way, really, truly, Grey's Anatomy love, chocolate fed, fairy light-lit, Tom Stoppard rhyme scheme, finished writing scene three, black and white photograph happy. srsly.)

driving away
from the wreck of the day.
Friday, September 15, 2006
10:45 p.m.

brief update: today i nearly nearly died. i was studying the stupid HSK format for tomorrow, and i was eating a LARGE LOLLIPOP THING. and i inhaled and the stupid thing shot off its stick and down my throat! my mom is out and my dad is in china- i seriously thought i was going to die. no matter how funny it sounds.

i scrambled to the toilet and like tried to swallow and drink water or something and discovered i couldn't breathe. YOU ARE LUCKY ELEANOR HAS SELF PRESERVATION AND COMMON SENSE AND GAVE HERSELF A GOOD WHACK TO THE SOLAR PLEXUS or else i could be dead on the floor at the moment. i'm completely serious. so the lollipop came up. followed unhappily by my dinner, but yeah.

...i don't think i'm so into lollipops anymore.
i'm on scene three, ylynn! and we're going in chronological order, full dialogue and stagedirections- i think it's going well. ^_^ this is my relaxation activity in between the chem etc. anyway speaking of chem i rush off to figure out the mole. OH AND.
which teacher has the greatest molar mass?
mr kiw. one mole of him is bigger than anyone else, dude.
couldn't help it. much love, all.

i'll find a way
to see you again.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
07:42 p.m.

for the life of me i cannot remember
what made us think
that we were wise and we'd never compromise
for the life of me I cannot believe
we'd ever die for these sins
we were merely freshmen

we've tried to wash our hands of all of this
we never talk of our lacking relationships
and how we're guilt stricken sobbin'
with our heads on the floor
we fell through the ice
when we tried not to slip, we'd say-

i can't be held responsible
'cause she was touching her face
and I won't be held responsible
she fell in love in the first place.

now i will, as wynne put it, scallop away.
(no heads involved.)

if we keep swimming
maybe this will never die
Sunday, September 10, 2006
01:57 p.m.

she's into math and magazines
director's cuts and gray-cell green
armed with an eye for contradictions
she sees completely through me

i'm fond of twin peaks afternoons
inexpensive wine with cordon bleu
armed with a plethora of insecurities
we keep each other amused.

and then we sing
horray for the madness, we are better by design,
let's hope we never have to say goodbye
say goodbye

we fail to keep in touch these days-
i'm liquid cold, she's murder grey
hollowed by circumstance
that pushed us both away

They carved a message deep within
our broken hearts that failed to mend:
make out kids never had a chance to be best friends.

glad that you can forgive
only hoping as time goes,
you can
forget.
Thursday, September 7, 2006
10:35 p.m.

TODAY i was in the emergency room. i got uh, rushed to hospital. i think i gave the chia and the small boy a bit of a fright.

anyway. there are several disjointed things to say: i have a new laptop, i believe they are secretly treating me for AIDS which would explain the MEDICAL COCKTAIL, i have done a funky meme, and i have written a poem that i will re-contemplate tomorrow.

i am shockingly tired, and everyone should listen to Brand New's Boy Who Blocked His Own Shot, Jack's Mannequin's Bruised, and Anna Nalick's Catalyst.

Wynne, my darling, take care.

amidst the post-surgery hysteria:
Monday, September 4, 2006
10:41 p.m.

oh dear.

you all have my condolences, my love and and my respect. please be strong.

i have my handphone if you need someone outside it all to talk to; feel free to call. if you can't get hold of me i'm sorry.

vicious like the blue sky.
Sunday, September 3, 2006
11:39 p.m.

AIYOH wynne says i really should remember these things, but i forgot to tell all i'm having another op tomorrow.

dead tired, made 144 today, to keep! awesome. total collection was 480- highest total. so now we know i really am teh pro at flag days.

oh and just for the record i love wynne an awful, awful lot.

i had these dreams
that i might learn to play guitar
maybe cross the country
become a rockstar.
Saturday, September 2, 2006
11:38 p.m.

it's hard to wave goodbye from aeroplanes
when i just don't think that you can see

i taper off,
and say it's never worth the pain-
but sometimes it is.

so i wouldnt miss me
if you get me, mister,
see?
Saturday, September 2, 2006
10:32 p.m.

i is am are working tomorrow! much love to greg for the job- it's essentially like flagday, but you get paid. and we all know how good eleanor is at flagdays! (if you don't, for the RDA flagday, i stuffed a tin, went back and took a nearly-empty one, and went out and stuffed it too.)

parent child day today, a remarkable WASTE OF TIME even though my portfolio is purdy as hell. my mom and i agree on both above points. we watched Hero over dinner, which involved mashed potatoes. (dinner, not the movie) saturday night telly really is abysmal.

anyway my daddy comes home tomorrow night, hopefully with a copy of hotel rwanda. i'm rather tired, think shall go sleep, work at 930 anyway. later.

she is ELEctric
can i be electric too?
Saturday, September 2, 2006
12:22 a.m.

HAHA YESTERDAY WAS SO AWESOME went skating with alan after teacher's day (which was nice for borrowing the SEXYSEXYSLR, hugging muthu and also darrrling matthew whom i love, and cs/eds danccce.) , AND FOUND THE ENTIRE NPCC BATCH THERE. mostly s2s, though. very funny i told mrs chu i would teach her to skate if she taught me mole concept. (the constant avocado and friends completely befuddle me.)
after resurfacing i went off SPEEEEEDING i think alan was secretly laughing at me -_-. though i have finally learnt how to PUMP round the rink, with like, left foot leading. which is cool. there is nothing like the feeling of speedskating on clean ice. i would do anything for that. (it could be what i live for.)

anyway after that cabbed home with DH, then showered in between powercuts and in the dark. put my PAJAMAS on to go to SCHIZ's awesome pj b-b-birthday party. she had the awesomest cake evrr, and exceedingly cute siblings and golden retriever. ALSO cute neighbour! there was much laughing and shouting at one another about eleanor's being ABANDONED at the cute neighbour's house and discussing PHILO all evening (till eleven). all, of course, in the good spirit of not watching The Devil Wears Prada on pirated dvd. cute neighbour was cute. and very clever, probably. the girls are, obviously, completely insane. if i didn't love them all so much there are THINGS I WOULD DO TO THEM.

all in all awesome beyond awesome. i am veryvery tired, and there is parentchild day tomorrow YICK YICK. i am slowly eating leftover candy from schiz' house and will probably die sooner or later- but won't everyone? i also love schiz very much, also her neighbours, but i love her SOFA BEST OF ALL. anyway splitting headache and stupid parentchildday tomorrow, better go. much love.

can you see if i could be anything
i want to be i would be you, see,
can't you see if i could be anything
and if you say everything will want to go your way
i will turn you away
as easily
as I turned you into me

because sometimes things just feel so strange.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
04:28 p.m.

if you leave i won't cry-
i won't waste a single day
but if you leave, don't look back
i'll be running the other way
seven years went under the bridge
like time was standing still
heaven knows what happens now
you've got to you gotta say you will.

i touch you once, i touch you twice
i won't let go at any price
i need you now like i needed you then
you always said we'd still be friends, someday.

because one day i'll be gorge like Natalie
and tell me, darling, where will you be?
Sunday, August 27, 2006
01:16 a.m.

i am beautiful. and it doesn't freaking matter how photogenic i am, or the shape of my nose, or the colour of my skin or those blasted freckles or my superbly unglam thighs.
because every single inch of me is gorgeous. i have 38 inch legs. and i have this figure i only noticed shopping on national day. because i cannot sing like the girl from the Beautiful South, or Amy from Stars, or Imogen Heap. because i damn well can't play joanne- not yet- and because my writing is iffy, but when it's good i'm proud. because i cannot draw to save my life but am awesome at art anyway. because i weigh under fifty kilos, and because i sometimes weigh more. because i cry when i watch sad movies and because i get depressed sometimes. because i eat more fruit than anyone i've ever met, and probably most people i haven't. because i don't eat carbs after ninethirty.

and one day everybody else will figure it out too. it comes from inside, see. it doesn't matter how tall /your girlfriend is, or who she's modelling for, or how many guys ask for her number whenever she goes out. it doesn't matter how much people laugh at you, or how badly you dance, or how long your freaking uniform skirt is.
it comes from inside.

we'll both forget the breeze
most of the time.
Friday, August 25, 2006
11:23 p.m.

i just watched closer, and feel most awful. i'm not gorgeous like natalie portman and it may be painfully stupid but i am insanely afraid that one day i won't be happy. i am petrified of being alone.

i'm sorry i've had a long day, drama was trying/tiring, and i don't feel quite capable of playing joanne. soundscapes petrify me. my legs hurt from mopping the eds room. i am exceedingly tired. and well. lonely.

some 'a de man
some 'a de man dem lov' to 'it an' run
so treat her like a lady
Friday, August 25, 2006
12:35 a.m.

MY FREE DA SUBSCRIPTION IS RUNNING OUT. in about. three hours.
i don't know DA seems to upset me awfully- i try very hard, you know. i think it's rather silly but i GLUE myself to my pageview count and haunt my comments page. it is surprisingly difficult when the photograph you spent ages posing and lighting, and oh, the sheer innovation, is completely ignored by the wider art community. it makes you feel your smallness very. clearly. also you see lots of STUNNING STUNNING ART and no longer believe you have any talent- i know i'm decently pretty good. but still! there are people who are exceedingly exceedingly talented, it's never good enough unless you're the best, you know?

argle, DA aside, my portfolio is due tomorrow. i would like to DIE. rather, i would like IT TO DIE. i've the world's prettiest coverpage, side from zhou's, though. i'm going to rush some reflections now I TOTALLY SHOULDN'T BE BLOGGING.

i'm listening to CELINE DION. as in like, my parents have her CDs, i just randomly grabbed one. i don't know- i got sick of my playlists. tomorrow i will do seniorly things! i shall pounce on my darling sanpeng. i worry about him. also i will. uh. be dramatic. and try to get into character- have you ever tried doing someone elses angst? i warn you it is bad. also i dread soundscapes- they are bad. bad bad. they make you feel schizophrenic and eleanor does not require help in that department. okay be back later. hopefully.

lonely is the room
the bed is made
the open window lets the rain in.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
11:25 p.m.

as one said to a wynne:
[Delirium] the infant millenium is screaming. says:
i am tired.
[Delirium] the infant millenium is screaming. says:
in a general sense of the word.
[Delirium] the infant millenium is screaming. says:
...i hope it will pass.

lead us not into temptation
but Eve is the apple of my eye.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
10:07 p.m.

I HAVE ALL THESE HALF-SCENES IN MY HEAD, I SHOULD REALLY BE STUDYING, NOT WRITING HALF-ASSED PLAYS.
alright just so we are clear, eleanor.

alan (elder) is on australia til sunday! oh realised a while back that i know an alan tang and an alan lin, so together, they are alan tang-lin! aha! (dies slowly in a corner)

i have completely silly political fears as the birthday of the Schiz approaches! i mean. what the hell do you buy for the girl who as everything! and more to the point. what do you wear when she takes you to dinner and an expnsve rstraunt with the RICHGirlz! all of this on a low budget and probably lower artistic/creative potential.

on other things, i am extremely insecure about my artwork- spurred on by the fact that apparently, next year, i will be the only student taking the art O. (i'll have you know it'll be the SECOND ME/INVIGILATOR OLEVER PARTY EVRR) i am very very scared because i contentrateth not/never/evrr when alone. oh lord i can't draw, doom approaches approaches approaches!

right now everybody should rush out and listen to Sufjan Stevens' To Be Alone With You, because it is gorgeous. i shall go and. drink yogurt.

i'd swim across lake Michigan
i'd sell my shoes
i'd give my body to be back again
in the rest of the room-

to be alone with you.

the world looks all insane
the people all just scare me,

and i doubt the curve of the earth.
Friday, August 18, 2006
09:22 p.m.

maybe when the room is empty
maybe when the bottle's full
maybe when the door gets broke down
love can break in.
maybe when i'm done with thinking
maybe you can think me whole
maybe when i'm done with endings this can begin

(if i could be your first real heartache,
i would do it over again.)

the infant millenium is screaming.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
10:35 p.m.

alright now tis mildly less pretty, please leave my blog alone. privacy appreciated kthxbye.

on other things, my dramababies, please remember harris' birthday, pay the reggie/siyun/zona for cucumbers etc. also be ONTIME, ONTARGET. (this applies to all my sectwos, thanks love!)

the drama competition is ouuuut the window, SAM trip kinda trumped for time. (very beautiful art, by the way, mmhmm.) but before the highly motivated state of writing wears off will finish and maybe write some workshopping scenes for ICT. stunning MOTIVATORS these crazy director people! highly recomm Declan Donellan, eleanor impressed muchly.

also.
i am eleanor, and this is my heart.

oh, where does the good go?
Monday, August 14, 2006
05:29 p.m.

dearest mystery person! thankyou for your comment. i have to notify you, unfortunately, that i am not THE ele. my name is eleanor, but seriously, i've never been called THE anything before. and it's really quite cheesy, is it not. THE ele. THE wig. THE maid. THE vas deferens.

but anyway. please, do thank whoever it was who coined this interesting THE phenomenon, i must admit i'm terribly flattered. i do hope you find this THE ele, mmhmm.

also, 'mixed blood' is an term with extremely negative connotations, which run something along the lines of mongrel dogs, and you couldn't possibly be being racist, could you now?

oh and lastly, is into drama? regrettably it is nothing quite so pretty and trivial, it is more like a scholastically threatening, overwhelming obsessive-compulsive disorder. not to mince words, but yes, it is rather more than an 'into'.

sorry to disappoint, but really, you shouldn't get your hopes up so easily! the internet is a scary place, full of misnamed people and, gasp, IP loggers!. well now, novelty isn't it love.

anyway much love to my girls and to liang for the immediate defensingness, but really, we all know he doesn't really mean me, don't we?

i'm tellin' you to
loosen up my buttons
babe.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
11:23 p.m.

MUCH SORRINESS for the seeming hiatus vanishment!

eleanor is busy with life in general: biochem, Love Actually and much whoring of limewire. also ParentChild day PF (TO MY SHAME AND SHOCK AND HORROR. AND UNDYING SHAME)

also, i am totally writing a play about a hawker stall auntie, the Mee Pok Man and and a boy called Mark. And his girlfriend. and uh, national day. i don't know i may be mad.

i am, nevertheless, happy. musta been love ^_^ scout boy.

she's gone to heaven so i got to be good
so i can see my baby when i leave this world.
Friday, August 4, 2006
12:35 a.m.

i'm so hard for a rich girl
my heels are high, my eyes cast low
and i don't know how to love
i get so tired after midday, lately
i take it out on my good friends
but the worst stays in, or where would i begin?

my office glows all night long
it's a nuclear show, and the stars are gone
elevator, ELEvator, take me home.

also, dying scares me.

muchly belated!
somewhat beatificated.
(i know that's not a word.)
Monday, July 31, 2006
09:38 p.m.

aiyoh i know it's latelatelate.

five and a half days in. well. hospital.

not awesome quality. but i'll get one. when i remember to scan it when the computer is upstairs. mm. lovelove.

eleanor needs alcohol.
Monday, July 17, 2006
11:39 p.m.

non sono una signora
ma faccio il piu' che posso.

yes,
Ophelia,
the black magic worked.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
09:23 p.m.

i'm being fucking strong, alright. so don't call me for twenty seconds ever again- and please, just go and worry about your chinese teacher.

eleanor has limits too- BUT I'M BEING SO FUCKING STRONG. i bought mos milk tea, and famous amos cookies, and a shiny cardboard box from mph and technically i should be high as a kite but i'm not, i am exhausted from open house, and quite fed up with things in general.

but i am being so fucking strong. give me a break.

i forget your name
this song is for whoever,
whoever.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
10:59 p.m.

i've been trying to write, both for exhaustive expression and for some productivity, but you can't write good poetry about yourself, because there is no single aspect of focus and no way to artsify some things. also 'parotid' is not a poetic word. these things were so much easier to write about when it wasn't just me.

let's go shut it down
in New Orleans.
Monday, July 10, 2006
10:42 p.m.

i guess i think i feel alright.

also, please stop hacking into my blog, and gloating about it. it is stupid, and annoys me, and one day i'll just up and move to LJ and friendslock everything. until then, try showing a little respect. maybe i could do without you knowing about me right now.

we are
we are all

innocent.
Wednesday, July 5, 2006
10:47 p.m.

right now i'm wishing i was a dancer, and that i'd never heard of-

this is to a rocking nation,
right?
Monday, July 3, 2006
09:51 p.m.

biopsy hurt like fuck.

i recited hamlet (the nurse thought i was praying) and the technician said i was good- that she'd expected me to 'struggle more'.

but it hurt. like [repeats expletive]

can you feel it, rocking the city?

you're so hard to beat.
Friday, June 30, 2006
09:52 p.m.

hello! look we can prove i have a BRAIN.

so anyway. the serious news, the up and down. there's a tumour in my parotid glad.

they don't know if it's malignant or not, ninety percent chance says its harmless. they're going to do a needle biopsy on monday, 230pm, to find out. results regardless, it's coming out. if left it could become malignant.
therefore without complications we're looking at a 3-4 hours surgery, and possible 2-3 days in hospital. the surgery is quite a straightforward removal, only difficulty is the facial nerve that branches out from near the tumour. if it's on the tumour, they might have some problems. they don't know if it is, and can't find out until the actual surgery. but most likely won't be difficult, they have to locate, peel out and protect the nerve, remove the tumour, and fix the nerve.

so that's it. i am appointing wynne my secretary- please don't ask me too much because. she and liang will be updated mostly, so check with them. grah. i am going to go and do something productive, like song trivia on /games. later.

ophelia
who looks like she tried to commit suicide
at the elbows.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
10:33 p.m.

lol, apparently, i have a brain after all.
the scanny thing was alright, but they were trying to inject the IV contrast thing, and they kept losing the damn vein and having to swap hands. so i have pricky things on both arms and emo-looking plasters.

results tomorrow, i have to explain to fang/ho why i cant take their tests after school, because i go to check out my brain at four at gleneagles.

bed, soon, i think, abnormally tired. i think it was the massive spinning magnet thing. mm. much love.

i look for work today, i'm spilling out the door
i put my glasses on so no-one sees me.
i never thought that i'd be living on your floor
but the rents are high and LA's easy.

in that instant
it started to pour.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
01:23 p.m.

hello everybody, sorry for the lagtime, havent been online much.

TWELVE MILLION ON KOL, THANKYOU VERY MUCH!

bio test today, which i conveniently studied the wrong topics for -.- math and geog tomorrow. however, more interestingly, i am going to get my brain scanned today. this will prove, without a doubt, the existence, or non-existence, of something useful between my ears. most of all, EDS DVD IS OUT, TEN DOLLARS, WITH A SWANKY SWANKY INTRO. get yours today.

kiss me goodbye
i'm defying gravity.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
03:25 p.m.

I HAVE A FANCLUB. I LOVEMY FRIENDS MUCHLY.

also, please do follow my DA a little more, if you're the type. have work to do, later!

working for a cash machine.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
03:09 p.m.

eleanor is not feeling very intelligent, at the moment. in fact she's feeling stupid. maths is making her feel stupid. her mother is making her feel stupid, as well as evil. eds is making her feel especially stupid. but seeing as the maths homework is the more overwhelming concept at the moment, we'll go back to battling it out. slightly late birthday love to ting, mmhmm.

Attn: Eleanor
Re: Your Well-Being.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
09:12 p.m.

Dearest Eleanor,

It brings us no joy to have to notify you that you are fat. You have eaten far, far too much in recent days and we advise that you skip lunch and ease up on the cake/chocolate/alcohol in days to come.
Please remember that you own fitted jeans, and short skirts, and therefore should endeavour not to enlarge your thighs any more than their current - already gargantuan - state. Kindly resume your sit-ups, and consider the swimming pool or gym your dearest friend in the weeks before returning to school, bearing in mind that your uniform skirt is not exactly long and will be rather unsightly if your legs are fat.

Also, we find it necessary to remind you that you have not written a poem in several weeks. Given your unfortunate procrastinating tendencies, you are advised to write something, anything, quickly, before your writing abilities evaporate entirely and you are left with nothing but your ungrammatical, illiterate mind. This is a meritocratic society and those who cannot write do not get published. It is, regrettably, the way the world works.

We would also recommend that you resume reading English literature and listening to English music, because while your Congiuntivo improves and you download whole Ligabue/Zero Assoluto/Jovanotti albums, your other two languages are trickling slowly down the proverbial drain.

We hope you are well, and would sincerely appreciate your taking some of out suggestions.

Regards,
the Self-Preservation authority.

Saving you from your destructive self- always.

ti brucerai
piccola stella senza cielo.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
12:41 p.m.

mm, mother and i went down to visit her cousin, just outside bologna. three plus one things of grand importance.
firstly. said cousin, is like. made of money, and MASSIVELY GENEROUS. you know she wanted to give me an ipod. like. mother told her not to (i dont want an ipod anyway ><). and during lunch she asked if i liked drawing, and my mom was like oh she studies art! and she gave me this massive, beautiful cretacolour set which would cost maybe upwards of 250 at home. and masses of paint and sable brushes and expensive pastel paper and im like o.0 omg. anyway.

secondly, drama runs in the family. this cousin thing person is italy's longtime theatre darling. she's wonderful AND PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SAYING I LOOK LIKE HER WHEN SHE WAS YOUNG. HA. SO THERE. she likes all the same things as my mom, like art shops, hardware stores and kitchen couture (though she doesnt cook). and she has a lovely house MASSIVENESS PERSONIFIED IS THE GARDEN. mmhm.

thirdly, bologna! immensely pretty, especially in the afternoon. big big doors, and a leaning tower! lol. and cobbley streets- very very italian. what foreigners expect, but not touristy at all. lovely. gabriela (the cousin thing person) took us to this shop her friend owns and they were selling candles, and tea, and and things made entirely out of sugar *eleanor passes out, at this point* i bought lots of stuff, and she bought me lots of stuff too. i love that shop. like, lovelove.

lastly. eleanor is a commodity! watched buskerpeople in the square and they were asking, okay everyone speaks italian, right! hands up who speaks, even a little, english *raises hand*. dutch? *remains* spanish *and still*. the guy laughs and asks a few other languages, then, friulano (dialect of the veneto) *eleanor raises hand again* he looks completely unseriously at me and yells CHINESE. and i look down and raise my hand again. and he goes, but she speaks everything, this one, eh! he gave me a sign to wave. eleanor was slightly embarrassed, but realises speaking lots of things is. quite. interesting. it gets you places, or so they tell me. eh well.

by the way, this is mozart (and me). mozart is gabriela's almost adopted dog- his owner's in barcelona on holiday without him and just left him. so he comes over from their place everyday for food, lol. he's the sweetest thing, really. ah well.

her face is a map of the world

you can see she's a beautiful girl,
she's a beautiful girl.
Friday, June 9, 2006
03:04 a.m.

he's still not called. am being sneaky. after polling the boys....
A beverage condensed water pitch says: do you have his number?
A beverage condensed water pitch says: call. be casual. say you're bored and hes the only person you know around.
A beverage condensed water pitch says: ask if ya wanna go out.
etc. so, eleanor will, very casually, call him after dinner. ahh well.

went for another walk today. and DUDE. this cat! like. i just saw her on the wall and i was thinking nice photo, took a longshot in case she ran, got closer. she stood up, though, and stuff and she was all miaoing. and i was like WOAH DEL EYES. hmmhmm must go look.

ran about palmanova seeing relatives/friends today, totally spoilt on salami and olives and dead good mozzarella. mmhmm. rawr.
KT tunstall's Suddenly I See. much love.
she fills up every corner
like she's born in black and white
makes you feel warmer
when you're trying to remember what you heard-
she likes to leave you hanging on her word

mmf, still hasn't called.
Thursday, June 8, 2006
03:15 a.m.

IO VOGLIO BALLARE UN PO' DI PIU',
IO VOGIO SENTIR' GIRARE LA TESTA.

eleanor, high alcohol content atm.

make you work hard
make you spend hard
make you want all, of her love
she's a maneater
make you buy cars
make you cut cards
make you fall real hard in love

nelly furtado's become anorexic-looking and sexy.
you wish you never, ever met her at all.

stop!dimentica
Tuesday, June 6, 2006
06:09 p.m.

rawrrrr. he hasn't called. admit i've been rushing to answer the phone, massively pissed on discovering tisn't him. have painted my nails, picture in due course, obviously ^_^

lots of mtv today. i think nelly furtado is anorexic, but she looks damn good, i laugh. later, <3

certe notti coi bar che son chiusi
al primo autogrill c'č chi festeggerŕ
Monday, June 5, 2006
10:52 p.m.

io voglio ballare un po' di piu'
io voglio sentire girare la testa

al limito del piacere
al limito del amore
al limito del dolore

ci sono cose che non sai, non sai.

Sunday, June 4, 2006
05:46 a.m.

hai un momento, dio?
Saturday, June 3, 2006
07:10 p.m.

okay i meant to blog about thursday, yes thursday.

HOUSEWORK. LIKE. DUDE. although it was, painfully, rather fun. eleanor is a carpet-beating menace. you almost feel sorry for them. almost.

went out! lol, with a cousin plus friends. alot of driving and Ligabue ensued. pity about the rain. and and and, there is something awesome about being dropped off home and being told, i'll call you, yeah? by a goodlooking boy. ahahahaa. anywayyyy. his friend just got a new car, and paid for all the drinks ^_^ i consider it a mark of my amazing restraint that i did not get totally wasted. oh and. this is from the bar we were in, their lunch menu.

mmhmm. i shelled about six thousand peas today. we built the tower of peas, suh.

save tonight
and fight the break of dawn

tomorrow, i'll be gone.
Thursday, June 1, 2006
08:55 p.m.

you are a boy that i'd like to kiss under the strobe light.
(sunday misgivings, saturday weekend:
church prayer, barely there. skipping out
the wrong side of the bed -
lost car keys to a beat-up truck, worst
of friends, best of luck. carpal tunnel
syndrome down the highway,
sleep in midday. surge of sugar,
high in hope, memories of skipping rope.

red streaks horizontal rain resting on the horizon
and my heart in my head. drop all i possess,
things-i-can't-reach-from
this side of the mess. nine to five in
a white office place, closet
confusion in tiny cramped space. )

so kiss me here under the strobe light,
swaying on this thin fine line
in the gap between space .......... an